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5 Ways to Pre-Procrastinate Fall Classes at Clemson

There’s no denying that school sucks (Game)cock, but part of what makes school so miserable is thinking about it before it even starts. Here are some things you can do so you don’t have to admit that summer is over until, like, week 5 or 6 when everything already sucks. 

5.) Read that book you should have read for CU 1000:
Remember two years ago when you were supposed to read some inspirational book over the summer for that “class” all freshmen have to take? Well, here’s the time to do that! Redoing your freshman year at Clemson sure does seem a hell of a lot easier at this point than researching job opportunities that you’ll be dependent on in a year. It’s like reading Junie B. Jones in middle school, except this is more of a cry for help than a concern for your reading ability.

4.) Listen to all three High School Musical soundtracks:
What’s a better way to repress all of your feelings on spending half of your semester in Hunter Hall than listening to the albums of movies that remind you of the times you could actually bullshit your work and get away with it? Fool yourself into thinking it’s summertime when really you should be sorting out all of your Clemson clothing for Solid Orange Fridays.

3.) Get a job:
Between going to school and having a job, working seems to be the lesser of two evils. In Clemson, there are plenty of job opportunities: Starbucks barista, Chick Fil A employee, pornstar, Publix bagger. Think about it: you’re getting paid to work less than you do for the classes you pay so much money for! That way, you can focus on servicing irritable students who weren’t able to get their football tickets, instead of stressing about the classes you’re taking that’ll actually help you get a job. College!

2.) Move out, and right back in:
Do you want to experience the euphoria of moving into an entirely different place from your parents’ house but you don’t have a new place to move into? Just convince your roommates to move every single thing out of your house. Then move everything right back in! You’re pretty much doing what every DIY YouTuber has ever told you not to do, but at least you’re not thinking about how you’re supposed to attend a Thursday night party and still get up for your mandatory 8 a.m. the next day.

1.) Plan your revenge on your parents for conceiving you:
Yeah, Clemson football is pretty great, but is it really worth crying over your organic chemistry homework three times a week, or, dare we say, group projects? Probably not… but also if we have a season like last year, MAYBE? That being said, if you just stop going to college you might disappoint your parents, which you certainly don’t want to do. So why not just curse your parents for conceiving you in the first place? If they hadn’t done that shit you wouldn’t be in this mess.

Hopefully these tips work for you and lessen your anxiety until it’s actually necessary! But, please, don’t murder your parents.

 

Hey dummy, listen to our podcast!

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