Everyone wants the Clemson class ring and why not? It’s world famous, it’ll get you jobs, it’ll get you laid… BUT did you know that they are super freaking expensive?! An 18k gold medium Clemson men’s ring will set you back $2,030. That’s a lot of dough, so we thought it would be fun to see what else we could buy with that much money. But, we’re not going to waste the money on stupid things like water or pencils. Hell, no! If we’re going to do math we’re going to do it on the stuff that matters!
10.) 849 6-packs of Ramen Noodles:
If you split it up, that’s 5,094 individual packs. In other words, your class ring could feed you for 13 years if you ate one pack of ramen a day. Sure you’d be very sad and probably highly malnourished, but at least you didn’t spend money on piece of jewelry!
9.) 2,000 Pabst Blue Ribbon Beers:
On Thirsty Thursday beers are cheap! You wouldn’t want to drink all 2000 at once, of course, but say you drink ohwedunno 8 a night? That’s 250 Thirsty Thursdays down the tubes because you wanted to honor your alma mater. Sad!
8.) 3,123 Wings:
TD’s does 65 cent wings on Saturdays so $2,030 will get you 3,123 wings. Thing of all the endless flavor combinations. Just think about it…
7.) 353 Glasses of Goldschläger:
This lovely liquor is available at Tiger Town Tavern, and who doesn’t want 353 glasses of Goldschläger!?!? Don’t put that gold on your finger like a common fool, drink it and shit it out like a king!
6.) 14 Parking Permits/ 19 Parking Tickets:
Parking on campus is just a train wreck, so you would be better off just lighting the money on fire. Or on the flipside, you could pay for 19 parking tickets of $106! We know you lazy butts decided to park in the employee’s lot so you wouldn’t have to walk as far to class! As always, fuck you parking services.
5.) 23 Clemson Jerseys:
Head to Mr. Knickerbocker’s downtown and buy enough jerseys for a whole team. Or, invest in the definite glory of future Clemson sports by buying one jersey every year for the next 23 years. You’ll be what, 43 by then? Might as well be dead!
4.) Use It to Pay for Tuition?!:
You could pay for 14.2% of in-state tuition or 6.1% of out of state tuition at Clemson University. You need all the help you can get, we all know how helpful FAFSA can be…
3.) 135 T-shirts:
The cost of your Clemson class ring could get you sooooooo much swag from The Black Sheep! Find dope shirts like the Bad and Boozie or Make America Drunk Again! Perfect conversation starters that won’t break the bank!
2.) 34 God Damn i-Clicker Remotes:
Yeah those little bastards cost $60. Unbelievable.
1.) 10 Textbooks (lol):
We all know the literal stupidity that is buying textbooks each semester. Most of them you don’t even end up using, yet we spend our precious dollars on the hunks of dead trees anyways. RIP planet Earth.
Now you understand how much money that ring costs you. Still think it’s worth it? Maybe you’ll occasionally pull it out and where it in 20 years after graduation when you reunite with the homies from the good ole days. But, most likely you’ll put it away for safe keeping. Get smart Tigers and buy the Goldschläger and Ramen noodles.
WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.