The Who/What/Where of Clemson Spring Break Hot Spots
For those who mainly live off of Daddy’s money that he gets from a job you can’t really explain, spring break is a week of parties and adventure. That being said, no one here is a special snowflake, and pretty much everyone who isn’t stuck washing dishes in the dining hall goes to one of five places. Here are the 5 most common Clemson spring destinations, and who you’ll run into there.
For the broke students who just want to sleep for a week in a place that isn’t Cooper Library, home is the place to be. Think about it: your parents missed you so much that they’ll wash your clothes and dishes for you, make you dinner, and put the television on whatever channel you want. Unless, of course, your parents have actually come to terms with the fact that you are now a legal adult and can do all of your own chores, then your cover is blown. Quick! Show them your mastery of the iPhone 7 by changing your background in less than ten seconds and they’ll worship you for another six months.
The Tigers who want to go to Vegas but can’t afford that plane ticket or all those condoms will often take a trip to Myrtle Beach. The money that would normally be spent on gambling is instead spent on mini golf, because sure, it’s totally logical to have 15 putt-putt courses on the side of the highway in a twenty-mile distance! Plus, your friends are like, so totally NOT going to talk to you again if you don’t post a “Dirty Myrtle” pic on the ‘gram at some point.
This is where the sports-neutral Clemson students go for spring break. These people don’t really pay attention to athletics and feel completely comfortable walking onto the turf of The Enemy. They go to see their USC pals, the friendships that were never severed, like an umbilical cord that was left uncut. Sure, they throw “amazing” parties, but we would only give them FIVE POINTS out of ten.
Students typically go to Charleston for spring break when they’re too broke to go to Cancun but have enough money to go SOMEWHERE. Folly Beach is a wonderful place to excessively edit a photo of the sunset and use the hashtag #NoFilter, and Downtown Charleston is a fantastic area to act like you care about history when really you’re searching for the nearest Pikachu on Pokémon Go. Those who aren’t as much into the aesthetic of everything can go shopping on King Street, spending their hard-earned Betsy DeVos donations on Vineyard Vines shirts and new khakis.
Some place in Africa:
Some students want to warm their hearts instead of their skin on spring break. Good for them! Those people will usually go to some country in Africa to give medical care to families, socialize with the children, and learn the culture. That’s great! But you’ll always find the ones trying to make others believe that they care about something other than football and beer, so leave it to those people to just take pictures holding children, only to return to the United States in a week and fight against universal health care!
Spring break is all fun and good but remember: make sure to use protection, don’t drink and drive, and wear sunscreen. Nothing’s worse than having a sunburn and every person you see exclaiming, “You’re sunburnt!” We know we are, Chad. We know.
Drunk people say the darndest things: