We all picked our Clemson majors for a reason, didn’t we? Everyone is entitled to their own hobbies, but sometimes those hobbies practically define the major they’ve chosen. Not everyone loves the “quirky” ways certain people have to offer, especially the ways of agriculture majors. Therefore, agriculture wins the award for the worst major at Clemson. Let’s break it down so these simple minded ag folks can understand:
5.) They talk loudly in quiet places and for some reason never wear shoes:
Have you ever walked through an area of campus that was meant to be quiet, but heard very loud and distinctly-male voices talking about anything EXCEPT homework? Well, chances are, you’ll see a bunch of guys in AGR shirts sitting around a table with their feet up on it. And the worst part? The feet don’t have shoes on. Because for some reason hygiene isn’t important to guys who major in dirt.
4.) They’re aggressively heterosexual:
If you’re walking on campus, you’ll probably hear somebody say, “No homo.” Basically, this means that an ag major has showed some hint of emotion toward somebody of the same gender and they want to make sure they’ve set their boundaries. They walk with a gait that screams, “I have a penis and I will put it in anything that resembles a vagina because I don’t believe gender and sex are different things, even if it that thing is the gas tank to a tractor.”
3.) Their main hobbies are hunting, fishing, hunting, and fishing:
You know those guys who say they’re pro-life but then don’t want to do anything about gun control because they love killing innocent animals with machine guns for sport? Well, they’re all in agriculture and hunting is what they literally live for. Without killing animals, they’ve got, what, tobacco? Four wheelers? Let’s not forget their dorms are littered with photos with their prizes. The thing is, all you see in the photos is floating heads because they’re decked out head to toe in camouflage clothing. At least, we think so. We can’t see it.
2.) Their thick southern accents rapidly devolve to nonsense:
Southern accents are to be expected in a place like Clemson. But when the whole major sounds like they tailgate at the same car on gamedays, there may be a bit of a problem. Southern accents aren’t bad, but when you’re completely surrounded by people who turn one-syllable words into two-syllable words, you start to question all laws of grammar and syntax. Suddenly everyone is just grunting and slamming cans of Keystone on the ground for communication, and we’re back to square one.
1.) They only wear AGR shirts:
The people who are most eager to tell others what their major is are the ones in the major on which the university was originally founded. They want everyone to know that they are majoring in something that’s nearly 150 years old without being scolded for focusing on history. Not to say that agriculture isn’t important, but for God’s sake, at least make them work a little more. Your professors shouldn’t have to work THAT hard to make you learn about irrigation systems; they don’t get paid enough. Maybe be in a major where people don’t think your shirts stand for “Always Getting Rest.”
Here at The Black Sheep, we tend to exaggerate our feelings about certain subject. So do we hate agriculture majors? No. But are the characteristics listed totally accurate for the majority of them? Yes. So we win.
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