5 Sexy Moves to Pull at a Musical Theatre Major Orgy

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We all know that the BFA Musical Theatre major may have some of the kinkiest students Columbia has to offer. What you probably don’t know, however, is what exactly do if you’re lucky enough to snag an invitation to one of their fabled musical theatre orgies. Here are five moves to pull in order to ensure the first time you come (pun intended) isn’t the last: 

5.) Bring Throat Coat to Impress:
Throat coat, an herbal tea used to soothe overworked vocal chords, is like crack to these kids. Making a quick stop to pick up a box of throat coat will make you appear genuinely thoughtful to the participants of the orgy. Appearing as if you care about the wellbeing of all these complete strangers will give you a leg up before the orgy starts. Throat coat also works great as lube.

4.) Wear Tights Under Your Pants:
Tights are a staple amongst musical theatre kids, and the best way to make these students believe you’re one of them is to swallow your pride and squeeze yourself into a pair of these bad boys. It’ll be worth it when you’re all undressing each other and your sheer, red tights are revealed in all their glory. Bonus points if you cut a hole in your crotch for your genitals to stick out of.

3.) Choke Someone with Your Infinity Scarf:
Aside from self-entitlement and pompousness, there are few things musical theatre students wear better than infinity scarves. Usually in the floral print variety, it’s hard to find a musical theatre kid who doesn’t own at least one scarf. What many of these orgy-goers don’t know is how well these pieces of fabric work when it comes to some light-hearted BDSM. Just make sure to not accidentally step on his/her character shoes.

2.) Whip Out Your Phone Mid-Thrust and Take a “Which Les Mis Character Are You?” Quiz:
This maneuver is truly the definition of “power move” when it comes to musical theatre orgies. Taking an online quiz that is musical-related proves two things to everyone in the room: A) you are passionate about their chosen art form and B) you are treating them with the utter disrespect and neglect they have experienced almost their entire lives. The fury that is ignited within them will remind them of the countless times they were let down by their high school casting director. While sadistic, this is the perfect trick to rile up one (or, if you’re lucky, multiple) participating members of the orgy.

1.) Choose a Clever Freeze-Frame Pose for Post-Orgasm:
Freeze-frames are a trademark of musical theatre numbers, and the thrill these students feel once they’ve reached climax during an orgy is similar to when they reach the end of a musical number on stage. Picking a clever pose ahead of time (e.g. kneeling on one knee and extending both arms into the air) is both ingenious and creative. Assembling yourself into your chosen pose and slapping a stupid smile on your face immediately after orgasm will prove to these kids that you’re worthy and will ensure that you are invited to future orgies.

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