You know ‘em, you love ‘em, you avoid ‘em: those weird dudes that hang around Devil Dawgs seemingly all-day long. You’ve probably seen them around in their beanies and skater hair, forever holding a Big Gulp from 7/11. Although they probably don’t take up too much of your mental real estate, there’s probably some things you’ve wondered about from time to time. Such as:
7.) Who ARE you guys?:
What are you guys actually doing? Where do you you guys live? Do you guys take shifts or is it the same five guys the entire time? It seems like you just sort of loiter about with backpacks on like you’re kind of on your way to class, but not really.
6.) Must you stand in a scattered horizontal line?:
For real. It’s so awkward having to walk through and around that. It adds about a full 60 seconds extra getting to and from class. Couldn’t you just like…pick a designated part of the sidewalk to “stand around and be casual” at, and leave the other side clear for people to walk? Why must you scatter?
5.) What’s in the backpacks?:
Clearly not books because, as previously mentioned, you never leave that spot and loitering around Devil Dawgs doesn’t allow you very much time to squeeze in classes. Drugs, perhaps? Because if so, that’s pretty sick. Hell yeah! Or maybe your backpacks are filled to the brim with Webkinz or fruit or CDs or something.
4.) Have you ever been inside Devil Dawg’s?:
Standing probably gets boring after a while, so what do you do when the act of standing is complete? Do you go inside? Have you been inside ever? It’s pretty nice in there. It’s colorful. You should go in if you haven’t yet. Quite honestly, though, it’s a bit crowded in there. Pretty anxiety-inducing. It also kind of smells weird as hell, but hey, so do you guys.
3.) How old are you?:
Seriously. Depending on the lighting, sometimes you guys look 18, and sometimes you guys look 45. Of course, this information is of very little significance to anyone’s life, but the mystery must be solved.
2.) If Devil Dawgs shut down, would you set up shop at Art of Pizza or would you relocate entirely?:
Devil Dawgs is at a great location for chillin’ and grillin’ with the boys, but if it were ever to close, what happens? Is Art of Pizza the new hangout? Do you move to the 7/11 corner? The South Loop Club? Smoke a pipe in front of Buddy Guy’s Legends? Or do you switch it up entirely and hang out in front of a random empty space on South Michigan? The options are limitless.
1.) If someone mistakes you for a hobo and gives you a few bucks, do you give it back, or do you smile, nod your head in thanks, and keep the money?
In all honesty, nobody would judge you if it were the latter. That’s actually a really smart business scheme.
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