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6 Degrees You Can Get At Columbia Without Even Going to Class

We all know the hardest part about college is going to class, especially in Chicago in the middle of winter, you’d rather stay in your bed under a large pile of down comforters than ride the CTA to get to your drafty class. There’s a list of degrees you can get without going out of your way—perhaps you’ve even earned one of these already!

6.) Created a catchy and ironic SoundCloud name:
Congrats! You made a catchy and ironic SoundCloud name AND took a funny photo of you recreating an iconic album cover. You did all by yourself, too! Give yourself a pat on the back, light a joint and play your new singles on repeat. Grandma will proudly display this bachelor’s degree in her guest bathroom.

5.) Wore a recognizable name brand to class everyday for a week:
You have finally cemented yourself as the highest hype beast on campus. Classmates look to you each and everyday to see which brands they should be wearing. Your social media presence shows them the proper poses to highlight how those brands make you feel, and you’ve vaulted Supreme to a new high art. Till your death, you will defend it with a lit Marlboro Red in your mouth. Hit that YEET as you accept this degree.

4.) Learned how to take nudes in an artsy way:
Daaamn girl, you fine and you know it, and you finally mastered how to show it in a way that Instagram will deem “art.” Who knew pubic hair could bring someone to tears? Hang this degree high, next to your beautifully printed artistic nudes on canvas.

3.) Switched your Tinder preferences as open to boys and girls:
You’ve learned that gender is dead and that sexuality is a spectrum. So, you’ve changed your Tinder to look for boys and girls! Good on you! You are a progressive, and you are the future! Now, you’re gonna meet TWICE as many people, plus you can hold it over all of your friends heads that you are just a more open and loving person than they are.

2.) Went vegan for six hours:
Woo! You haven’t eaten an animal product in six hours and you haven’t passed out yet!? Here’s a bachelor’s degree for you, good sir. The amount of years this will add to your life will give you ample time to tell your friends how mad cow disease is still a realistic threat. The self-discipline this takes is admirable and the amount of energy you still have to tell everyone around you about your new diet is inspirational, to say the least.

1.) Invited all of your Chicago Facebook friends to your improv show:
You did it! You scrolled through all of your Facebook friends to make sure you invited each and every person you know in Chicago to your improv show at 3 p.m. on Thursday afternoon. This was a time-consuming and mind-bending task. Who would have guessed you know so many people with the last name Miller? Add the earning of this bachelor’s degree to your Facebook Life Events and let the likes roll in!

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