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6 Places at Columbia That Sure Could Use A Liquor License

If we know one thing for sure, it’s that college kids love to drink. Add in a sprinkle of arts and crafts and a dash of depression, and you’ve got yourself Columbia College Chicago. And while it’s already easy enough to bring a water bottle full of red wine to your lecture classes, we thought it’d be nice if a few places around Columbia would start to serve students alcohol directly. Here’s a list of the places on and around campus that so desperately need a liquor license.

6.) The Haus:
Quit teasing us already, Columbia. The Haus is the place on campus for liquor to be served. There is a bar already installed that, with just a few quick modifications, could be transformed the greatest bar on a college campus across the nation. It could feature a menu of custom cocktails named after disgraced Columbia staff members, or even cute little napkins with President Kim’s face printed on them. Plus, those Vodka Red Bulls will help us all get through the terrible student performances hosted here.

5.) That one day care center across from the film building: 
Working with kids is a nightmare, and one that alcohol has the best shot of remedying. Help these giving people out by providing them some happy juice to sip out of those sippy cups!

4.) The new student center on 8th and Wabash:
Let’s celebrate bad financial decisions with bad personal decisions. Pop the bubbly while wolf whistling at the construction workers building the future (and utter demise) of Columbia College Chicago. The new student center may seem like a useless waste of money, but (supposedly) it will be the hub of all student activities. So when you’re not macking on your qt goth gf, go challenge your bois in beer pong.

3.) Peet’s Coffee:
Spike your coffee (or hot cocoa, pussy) and watch the creation of one of Columbia’s poorest decisions go up across the street. Plot how you will win your qt goth gf back while watching her mack on her new boo through the all glass walls of the new student center. The indie hits playlist playing in the background will make you feel as though you are the Michael Cera of your own rom com, and less like you’re stalking your ex.

2.) The alley behind the theater building:
This alley is home to the suffering artist trying to get the pain of living off of their chest. Adding draft beer to the side of the building would not only be inventive, but would help speed up the bonding moments between these students and give rise to the next generation of beat poets. Be sure to bring your own cup, and remember to go in at a 90 degree angle for a proper percentage of foam at the top. Oh, and watch out for the rats.

1.) The Loft:
Our favorite place on campus could only be improved by adding a wine bar. Columbia kids live for wine. Imagine the weekly wine tastings with a small jazz band in matching tuxedos in the corner, or a student group hanging around the couches playing spin the bottle with an empty bottle of Pinot Noir from the Willamette Valley. With the help of a little liquid courage, The Loft would become the best place on campus for networking—something Columbia’s known to be pretty shitty for.

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