Pranks are the pinnacle of comedy. Sadly, pranks die off as we age, and our friends grow tired of our antics. It’s not fair that most adults are unable to balance their love for fine wine with their first love for sweet pranks. Bring back pranks with these five sweet pranks to pull on a student taking a snooze on Columbia’s campus (that won’t get you arrested):
5.) The classic “whipped cream in the hand, tickle the nose” trick:
Back to more simple and happier of times with an old favorite. Pour a glob of whipped cream into their hand and give their nose a light tickle until they slap themselves in the face, getting whipped cream everywhere. Consider yourself PRANKED! Bonus: if you get whipped cream up their nose, that smell will linger longer than the weirdo in your theatre foundations class.
4.) Tape a sign to their back that says “I don’t care about pronouns”:
Granted, this might be harder to effectively pull off as the colder months go into full swing and everyone adds more layers, but if you can get them with this one you’ll get them goooood. At the minimum, three verbal fights and one brawl will break out at the sight of a transphobic sign like this. If you choose your victim wisely, they’ll be dumb enough to not wise up to it very quickly and will cause even more of a scene.
3.) Play “Africa” by Toto quietly by their ears on repeat:
By the time they wake up, the song will have played so many times that it’ll ring like tinnitus. Some may think of this as a blessing more than a curse, but no matter how much they love the song, your victim will be caught off guard and feel like someone infected their mind. Sure, they may start out by skipping down Wabash dancing to the music in their head, but this is the long con, baby. By hour four, they’ll be getting sick of the rains down in Africa, and by hour nine, they’ll be willing to do anything to knock the whole damn thing out of their head. They’ll never be able to fully enjoy the song again.
2.) Dip their fingertips in the weird smelling Febreze so their hands smell all day:
This might be tricky if you’re not properly prepared, but most places around campus have some sort of substance that isn’t a friend of the nose. Dip your victim’s fingertips in this for a few minutes—not too long, we’re not trying to make them pee, that’s child’s play—and they’ll be sniffing their fingertips all the live long day trying to figure out where the scent came from.
1.) Replace their Newports with cheapo Camels:
Sneak their nice pack of Newports out of their tight little pocket and replace them with the cheapo Camels you have in the bottom of your bag. They won’t notice the difference until they go to smoke a fresh ciggy and it burns twice as fast as they are used to. So sit back and take a long drag of your newly acquired Newports, and watch them slowly die of lung cancer. That’s malicious AF.
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to our POD: