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5 Surefire Signs Your Professor Wants to F**k You

Ahh, the age old question that most horny college students can never figure out: Is your teacher hitting on you? Now, Columbia may not be famous for their sexually-stimulating faculty, but there are those special teachers that make you say, “Eh, Tinder’s been a bit dry. I’d be down.” Just to make sure you don’t blow your shot, here’s a quick guide to some telltale signs of whether or not your professor wants to fuck you. 

5.) They constantly ask if you need help networking:
In such a creative world, a good network of contacts is essential. It’s so kind and totally not weird of your professor to be so invested in your career! But maybe they want to lend more than just a hand. Keep your eyes peeled for any subtle winking, that should be a red flag that your teacher definitely wants to bone.

4.) They invite you to their shitty book reading at a Barnes & Noble in Evanston:
Their magnum opus has finally been published and they would love nothing more than to have their star-pupil cheering them on. Evanston is truly a trek, but it’s worth it. If you really want to seal the deal, take them out to some bubble tea after. Before you know it, tapioca won’t be the only balls they’ll be sucking.

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3.) They giggle when you ask for extra credit opportunities:
Your professor may not be the funniest, but they sure think you are. Especially when you ask them how to earn a few bonus points. Finals are quickly approaching and you’re in dire need of a little push. That push, however, may soon come in the form of more pulling than pushing. Let’s be honest though: You’re desperate, and you’ll take what you can get.

2.) You receive an “accidental” thread of photos of them sprawled out nude from their honeymoon in Jamaica:
Oh, what’s that in your inbox? Full frontal from their trip to Sandals, Jamaica? At first you thought it was a picture from that Planet Earth episode about elephant seals, but after you enlarged it, you figure it out. A high-quality picture of your teacher’s bare ass. You’ve spent 13 weeks seeing them in at least three layers of winter clothes and now you’re getting much more nipple than you bargained for.

1.) They tell you they want to fuck you:
Well, that’s probably the most surefire sign of them all. It’s an art school, what do you expect?

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