As finals quickly sneak up on unsuspecting Cornellians, the stress and sleep deprivation push these students to fall into a deep existential crisis that inevitably ends with them calling Domino’s — #3 on speed dial. Many questions, even fewer answers. What is this all about? Why am I here? Is my degree really going to be worth it? Well, here’s a list of everything that just may not be worth getting your degree.
6.) The Weather:
It’s May and Cornellians will be upset to find the not-so-cute snow icon on their seven day weather forecast. Yes, snow. In the beginning of May. This extreme weather will make you wonder if you should just take off your three jackets, hat, scarf, boots, and transfer to some bumfuck school on the west coast.
5.) The Random Construction:
Everyone on this campus remembers getting helplessly lost once, twice or even seventeen times, and when you think you’ve left that in the past, construction decides to appear overnight and takes all of your sense of direction with it. At some point you wonder when you’ll finally drop out because “I got lost” is only an acceptable excuse when you’re a freshman.
4.) You Didn’t Agree With the Slope Day Performance Choices:
Nothing says “put down your text books and yell ‘fuck it, I’m out!’”, like being disappointed in the Slope Day performance choices. You get beat up by prelims, problem sets, and late TCAT buses all year, you didn’t want to take the hit for Slope Day artists you didn’t agree with. Why bother studying all year to take an ‘L’ right at the end? Getting a useful degree is totally not worth liking only one, two, or eight songs at a concert.
3.) You Have Class in Morrison:
Walking to class or marathon training? If you can’t tell the difference, then it’s not worth that paper. Drop out or change majors.
2.) You Have Two or More Finals In a Row:
If this happened to you then someone up there in the Registrar’s Office was too cheap to hire a hitman and, instead, decided to try and take you out through scheduling multiple finals in a row. Don’t fret, you won’t feel the pain if you just quit. Graduating from this school and name-dropping in the future is not worth failing two finals in a row. Preserve your GPA, pride, and self-esteem by packing up and leaving now.
1.) You Ran Out of BRBs and There Are Still Three Weeks Left of School:
Never mind the fact that you have an unlimited meal plan, you want that Trillium pasta! Don’t spend your day crying because you have bad spending habits, just accept that dining hall food isn’t going to pay out in a degree. Future rewards are not worth temporary pain. If you go home you can have all of the food your mom can buy, and you won’t have to worry about making seven dollars stretch ‘til the end of the semester.