An Accurate Cornell Fight Song

author-pic at Cornell  

Cornell has many great songs, though most people only know one or two. So maybe we only have one or two great songs. The thing is, these songs were written ages ago by people long dead and sometimes (read most times) they aren’t particularly relevant. So we took it upon ourselves to make one of these songs more truthful and pertinent to Cornell as it is now.

C-O-R-N-E-double-L, 
Win the game and then ring the bell. 
(ding!) 

 C-O-R-N-E-double-L

Lose the game and don’t give a shit

(ding!)

Let’s be brutally honest here; Cornell isn’t great at sports. It isn’t even good. And no one really cares. We aren’t big on sports, but it’s too cold half the year to even go out, let alone give a fuck about playing sports. *scoffs*

What’s the big intrigue? 
We’re the best in the Ivy League,
Rah! Rah! Rah!

What’s the big intrigue?

We’re a fake Ivy League

Bah! Bah! Bah!

So we get called a fake ivy all the time and it’s probably because of the Hotel School. When it comes to sports, we might as well be a real Ivy because we’re only a tiny bit less crap than the other Ivies. Who woulda thought sports wouldn’t be the forte of academics?

Score the point that puts us ahead, 
Knock ’em dead, Big Red! 

Score the point that puts them ahead

Knock yourselves dead, Big Red!

It’s lucky football in America isn’t like football across the Atlantic. If football had an equivalent to own goal, I bet we’d be pros at doing it. With all the ground we lose in football, we may as well be running to our own touchdown line. Hell, the French lost less ground in the Second World War.

1-2-3-4, 
Who are we for? 
Can’t you tell? 
Old Cornell! 
(GO RED!)

This last bit rings true. However bad our sports team, we do still have school spirit and a slightly above average marching band. You won’t catch the Ag students counting to 4 though.