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Cornell Students Determined to Not Allow “Getting Trashed” on Slope Day Interfere With Studying for Finals

On Thursday, May 11, Cornellians will be waking up as early as 8 a.m. to go and celebrate the end of spring semester classes. Known as “Slope Day,” this school-wide festivity is generally associated with drunken college students listening to music and enjoying a day of fun right before their rigorous finals.


“I’m going to be so lit on Slope Day that I won’t be able to remember that I spent the last month complaining about Misterwives” exclaimed Randy Most, “This is the only time all year that I’ll happily wake up at 8 a.m. because winning at beer pong is more rewarding than paying $70,000 per year for class.”


Although the school will be taking the day off to have fun and enjoy music, some students are concerned that their choice to drink will interfere with their strict studying schedule.

“I need at least a ninety-seven percent on my Intro Biology final in order to get a grade that doesn’t make my advisor want to hit me,” stated pre-med student Alana Good, “However, if I get mega-trashed early in the morning then I’ll hopefully have time to rally and begin studying as the well-respected Ivy League student I am.”


While some students claim they will study on Slope Day, others are realistic about the reality of their situation and plan on arranging their study schedules around Slope Day.


“If anyone is saying that they will be studying on Slope Day, they’re either lying or are not going to Slope Day,” laughs senior Amanda Days, “I have cleverly arranged my schedule around the festivities. On Thursday I’m going to look like a wild party girl but by Friday I’m going to be so hungover, but deep in my studying that I’ll look like Gollum from The Lord of The Rings.”

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