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Don’t Have a Summer Internship? Here Are Cool Things to Tell People You’re Doing Instead

Summer is less than a few months away, and the people that have their shit together already have their summer internship lined up. If you’re not someone who falls into that category, no worries, here are some other cool things to tell people you’ll be doing this summer to trick them into thinking you’re not the lazy idiot who missed all the internship application deadlines:

5.) Working on your startup:
You’re not a true Ivy League student until you can say that all you want to do this summer is work on your startup. Forget funding. Forget the rent you’ll have to pay during the school year. Your attention is better focused on an idea no one believes in, but if you phrase it as “startup” then people may believe that you are working on something revolutionary.

4.) Training to audition for the role of Big Red Bear mascot:
You need time to practice waving. Time to practice being friendly to people. Practice taking pictures. So much to do and you would need the ENTIRE summer to accomplish this. It’s cooler than telling people that you failed to get an internship.

3.) Training to be able to walk up Libe Slope everyday:
If you were able to secure a living spot on West Campus then count yourself lucky! However, this choice comes at a price. You either have to pay for a bus pass or walk the slope every day. Now you’re already using your parent’s retirement plan to pay for the unlimited meal plan, so you better walk that slope. If you train all summer then you may just make it.  

2.) Volunteering (you saint!):
Tell people that you will be volunteering over the summer so that you seem selfless but in reality that is the only job you’re qualified for. It sounds a lot better than working for a heartless corporation for money.

1.) Working on your mixtape about Cornell:
No one asked for this so you’re going to create it! Hey, no one asked for Wendy’s to drop a mixtape but it was a huge success. Tell people that the proceeds will go to shelter puppies and you’ll be golden. Just make sure to insult Harvard a bunch of times and the people will eat it up.

Now there is still time to search for an internship. It’s only the end of March. However, if people start asking simply use one of these responses while you secretly desperately search for a purpose this summer.

 

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