Finals are here, and every inch of the Cornell campus is soaked in tears. Here is a run down of what the students in each college will be wearing for finals.
7.) College of Engineering:
These students have the hardest finals of us all, but that won’t really affect their sense of style. Maybe they’ll shower less, although we’re not sure if it’s possible to shower less than “not at all.” Either way, engineers will remain in their standard uniform of the “Cornell Engineering” shirt they got in their acceptance to the university and awkwardly stiff blue jeans.
6.) College of Agriculture and Life Sciences:
The stress of finals will force these wannabe dairy farmers to revert back to their original form. So, ya know, overalls and a straw hats. This is with the exception of the comm majors. No one is really sure why they’re in this school and we can’t predict their outfits with any accuracy because they are such mish-mosh of athletes, dumb legacy kids, and the 4 people who want to go into communications (whatever that means).
5.) Industrial and Labor Relations:
ILRies are social justice warriors at their core. Because of the human rights violations and poor labor practices at nearly EVERY major clothing label (think Nike, Adidas, Forever 21, Asos). In light of this, ILR students will be taking their finals in the nude, taking inspiration from the COLA campaign this semester.
4.) College of Human Ecology:
The often forgotten hum ec school. We literally had to look up a list of all the colleges at Cornell in order to remember this one. However, this college does hold the fiber science and apparel design major so maybe these guys will make something funky out of unconventional materials like the Cornell Fashion Collective.
3.) School of Hotel Administration:
Hotelies are always over dressed. They think too highly of themselves and their clothes are just proof. They will pretend to dress comfortably for finals but they will still be trying really really hard. Think: celebrity at the airport.
2.) College of Arts and Sciences:
This is the biggest school at Cornell and has basically all the majors. These kids are “the normals.” In turns, they will wear normal things. Probably leggings or jeans and a tee shirt? They are boring and therefore irrelevant.
1.) College of Architecture, Art, and Planning:
We saved the weirdest for last. Because artsy kids are kind of weird. But also trendy. We imagine them all dying their hair white, wearing long plaid duster coats and ill-fitting thrift store dresses. They will still look really good and smoke hand-rolled cigarettes. They will take selfies with each other that have creepy filters in empty rooms. Very alt – grunge.
You went drinking, now you’re stuck pooping. How’s that going for ya?