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How to Find Love At Cornell for the Lonely Ivy Leaguer

Tired of being your own bae on Valentine’s Day? Even though you already planned to go see Fifty Shades Freed by yourself on February 14th, ask yourself one question: are you ready for romance? If so, here are the best ways for a lonely Ivy Leaguer to woo the person of your dreams at Cornell.

7.) Invite them to “study” at Libe: 
Cornell’s own Netflix and chill. Just like you wouldn’t be watching a movie on Netflix, you won’t be studying in the library. No one goes to Libe to “study” or do any actual work, so it’s a quick and subtle way to ask them out on a date. Plus, if all goes well, you could end up doing some hard work between the stacks.

6.) Go ice skating at Lynah:
The classic way to find love. Wait until Lynah has a skating event, pretend to lose your balance and grab anything you can to steady yourself, which just so happens to be their hand. Wonder how that happened?! Better not let go, just in case you start to fall again. The cherry on top? Tell your partner that your ankles are wrecked from shitty rental skates and have them carry you home. The late night will set a romantic mood.

5.) Memorize their class schedule and “accidentally” run into them:
Some call this “creepy,” but with just the right amount of subtlety and feigned surprise, you could pull this off. Daily quick conversations on the way to class will slowly build into longer, several minute conversations. Step it up and coincidentally run into them at parties and on the TCAT. If everything is done exactly right, by graduation you’ll either be married or have a restraining order.

4.) Ask to borrow a textbook:
Classic case of psychology. Save a few hundred dollars and ask your crush to borrow their book or to do your homework together. Soon, after enough of this, every time they think of the class they’ll think of you. Then they’ll begin to associate you with their major, which is something they already love. Put in the time and effort to this foolproof plan and soon the Cornellian of your dreams will love you as much as their degree.

3.) Engineers, finagle your way onto their project team:
With all the demands of an engineer’s day-to-day schedule, there are so few opportunities to find love. If you’re tired of admiring someone from afar in Duffield, turn a career requirement into a chance at finding happiness by strategically choosing a project team based on your true love, and watch the sparks fly!

2.) TA one (or all) of their classes:
A chance for one-on-one meetings and a great conversation starter? Perfect! Take a leaf out of step 5’s book and schedule your office hours for times you know they are free. The more classes that you TA, the more face-to-face contact, which means a greater chance for love.

1.) CS Majors, earn their love by hacking Blackboard and boosting their grades:
Your crush claiming they’re too busy to go out? Free up their schedule and ease their mind by hacking into the bane of all Cornell students’ existence and change their grades to something they can be proud of. This will buy you at least one date, so make it count. Worst case if the date fails, drop the hint that you’re willing to do it again. As long as you’re cool with them using you for a guaranteed degree, you two will be very happy together!

So for all of the single losers out there, this has been seven ways to find love. Follow any of these steps and you’ll be sure to be hitting up the stacks in no time.

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