We all start off the new semester full of hope, confident that our previous failures are a thing of the past. Maybe this semester will finally be your semester after all, or maybe your GPA will slip even further away. Let’s see how long the “new year, new you” can hold out based on your first week of classes.
8.) Slept through your alarm:
Hate to break it to you, but that’s just the beginning. Soon you won’t even be able to justify escaping the sweet, sweet grip of sleep just for some cold, boring lecture. Not to mention having to crawl out of your bed to walk three-hundred miles through the Ithaca tundra. By the end of the semester, you’ll either be “that kid” who’s always running into class five minutes after it begins, or be forever known as the guy that mysteriously faded into the background of the class. You know, the kid no one knows if they’re actually enrolled or not.
7.) Forgot pens, pencils, a notebook, and/or any other basic school supplies:
You’re going to wake up thirty minutes after your final exam begins. Inevitably, at the end of the semester, you’ll stroll into Barton Hall confidently after looking over your friend’s notes, only to realize that your exam was the day before and you’re not enrolled in oceanography. Make sure you get on good terms with your professor now so they’ll be willing to help you reschedule that oh-so-important exam.
6.) Befriended your professor:
This will be one of your best semesters, if only because your friendly professor will overlook small, or even large, errors in your assignments and quizzes. Maybe they’ll even let you drop an extra prelim. Hey, a good grade is a good grade. Doesn’t matter how you get it. With morals like that, consider transferring to Dyson.
5.) Took only one earbud out in class:
Whoa, you’re halfway there. But if you want to stop livin’ on a prayer, take the other earbud out and maybe, just maybe, write down a few notes here and there. Looks like this semester is going to be half-assed, just like your application into Cornell. Your GPA may drop a few decimals, but hey, nothing you’re not used to by now.
4.) Showed up to the wrong room/building:
Congrats, you’re already lost. If you misread the room number or building name this early in the game, throughout the semester you’ll email papers to the wrong teachers, miss due dates, and show up late to a meeting with your professor in which you were going to discuss your grade. Begin writing your book of excuses now. You’ve got a long way to go.
3.) Rolled in just as the lecture began:
Your semester will be great! Punctuality saves a lot of time, and as long as you don’t let anything slip through the cracks you’ll kill this semester (before it kills you) and your GPA will finally compare to a Harvard student. Unfortunately, all the running around campus will burn you out quicker than the school work. Next semester all your hard work will be undone. But on the bright side, this summer you can show off your Itha-calves.
2.) Beat the professor to the class:
This is it, this is the semester that your GPA can finally bounce back, that you’ll get the research position you’ve been after, that your life will finally fall into place. Keep up this level of dedication and turn in all your assignments on time. Or even before the professor assigns them. Become the unofficial TA. Tutor your classmates. Smile proudly as you look in the mirror and realize you’ve become your father. Your future is bright!
1.) Didn’t even go to class:
Congratulations, throughout this semester you will adopt the persona of a ghost. Enrolled in the class, but never seen. Only hearing the rumors that you exist. Classmates may spot you napping in Mann or “studying” at Libe. Ghostbusters will be watching at your final, unsure if you’ll ever make an appearance. You’ve made it off the grid.
No matter what the start of your semester looks like this week, we’re back in biz at Cornell and who knows what the rest of the semester will bring.
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