Millions of Women’s Periods Sync Up in Heartwarming Show of Solidarity

author-pic at Cornell  

The day after Donald Trump was sworn into office, millions of women and some incredibly woke men marched all over the world in what turned out to be the largest protest in US History.

But the true protest occurred not during the march, but hours later, when the enormous gathering of women across the world resulted in millions of periods syncing up in a beautiful display of unity, pride, and Taco Bell cravings.

“Not only was it an honor to march with my sisters in my nation’s capital, but it’s now an honor to bleed with them,” D.C. protester Alysha Collins said. “I feel like I can sense the spirit and the passion of these amazing women across the world; I can feel their energy swirling around inside me. Oh wait, that’s just cramps.”

When the new president heard of the news, he quickly took to his diary Twitter to share his opinion.

trump tweet

But no tweet was enough to break the bond of women who have felt the heavy flow of Trump’s words.

“I got mine too,” said First Lady Melania Trump while crouched behind some bushes in a nearby park, wearing a ratty t-shirt and jean cutoffs. “When I get my period he banishes me to the streets to fend for myself… Please help me.”

In response, congress has proposed a bill to increase taxes on feminine hygiene products, because according to Trump, “that shit’s nasty.”