As classes continue we are reminded that prelims are ever present, lurking behind the corner, about to attack. So here is a list of where to cry in preparation for battle instead of buying the textbook and studying the material.
7.) The Ezra Cornell statue on the Arts Quad:
Go to the source of your problems, Ezra Cornell, had he not created this incredibly difficult school then you would not be here to be losing your mind over prelims. As you bawl under the perfectly carved stone, remember his words, “Any person, any study,” and remember that they even include someone as average as you.
6.) The Dairy Bar (duh):
The Dairy Bar is the absolute best place on campus to completely lose your shit. Here is where you are free to be a cliché stereotype as you shove ice cream into your mouth and wipe the tears with your financial aid letter. Even better, the long walk back to your home will allow you to calm down and reconsider wanting to withdraw and go to your local state school.
5.) The bathroom in Trillium:
After getting a breakfast burrito and realizing that you didn’t do an assignment that is due in the next half-hour, just sprint into the Trillium bathroom and let it go. You can even sit on the toilet eating your burrito and crying, just for added effect. This is college, no one cares.
4.) Any of the libraries:
Seriously, no one will judge. As we get closer to zero-hour you can expect the number of tears cried to rise in every single library. Although it is socially acceptable to bang your head on the table after an hour of not being able to solve a single problem, the libraries really prefer something quieter. So, close your laptop and sob silently upon it.
3.) The garden in front of the Plant Sciences building:
Go to one of the most beautiful places on campus and let the waterworks flow. Ignore the construction as you reconsider your major, college, and every single one of your life choices. Once you are done questioning the state of the universe, take in the atmosphere of the garden. Even though it’ll be blurry from the tears, it’ll still be beautiful.
2.) The floor of your advisor’s office:
Your advisor knows the reason that you are crying on their floor and will attempt to be helpful. Yes, it’s your fault that your GPA looks like the lowest level earthquake on the Richter Scale but spend your time feeling sorry for yourself. Your advisor’s office is simply a fantastic place to wail because at this point, you cannot hide from your deflated grades.
This is where you can cry in peace. If anyone asks what is wrong simply tell them that the food is so sad it is making you weep. Not only can people understand that the food is horrible enough to make a grown person cry, but once you finish having your episode, you can enjoy middle school throwback music, a time when you were also crying quite a bit.
Now you will be equipped to go into your prelims having spent more time crying around campus than actually looking over the material. Then when everyone gets a thirty percent, brag about how hard you studied and continue to attempt to fix your GPA.