Congrats! Finals are over, summer is here, and now you just have to figure out who you’re going to spend it with. Unless you’re going to Westchester or Long Island, there probably aren’t too many Cornell undergrads nearby (and even if they are, maybe you’re feeling ~adventurous~), so we’ve composed some steps to ready yourself for a summer fling to make sure you’re ready for some steamy nights.
7.) Practice some basic positive human interaction:
As you muster up the courage to venture back out into the real world, it is important to remind yourself that most people don’t consider complaining about prelims a good form of social interaction. To prepare for this, get in front of a mirror and practice some generic conversation starters and friendly interactions – it’ll help you in the long run. For example, instead of greeting a potential mate with, “Wanna go to the Olin basements?” try using a classic pick up line such as “Sup.”
6.) Cool it with the memes:
If you’re thinking that most schools have a meme page, you’re right; however, most people at other schools don’t base their entire sense of humor around Bingalee Dingalee memes. So if you’re out with someone from another school, try doing something original to make them laugh rather than just pull out your phone and explain all the nuances behind a mediocre joke.
5.) Deflate your ego:
We get it: You attend an Ivy League school AND are an active member of Chi Psi. But while you might see that as an immense accomplishment, most other people won’t, so try cooling it with the not-so-subtle condescending remarks such as, “Haha yeah I’m sure your parties were great, but this one time my brothers and I…”
4.) Try to understand that most other schools don’t care about ice hockey:
We know it’s tough to imagine your college experience without throwing fish at Harvard, but ice hockey just isn’t a thing at many other schools, and you’re just going to have to deal with it. It also won’t hurt to accept that your football team isn’t much to brag about either…
3.) Reacquaint yourself with hard alcohol:
We’re sure that liquor hasn’t touched your lips ever since you received Martha’s email banning it from Greek houses, but unfortunately your fling probably isn’t aware of that rule and might expect you to do a shot with them. Luckily for you, you’re no longer on Cornell’s campus, so you can return to your borderline alcoholic tendencies without worry!
2.) You should talk about Slope Day once:
Slope Day was fun and also kinda wacky this year, that’s undeniable. But hearing someone else talk running through the rain on Slope Day over and over can be extremely boring. Accept that no one wants to hear about it more than once, and talk about things that really matter — like your frat.
1.) Loosen up! :
It can be hard to focus on many things when you have a super important internship at a startup, but maybe try shotgunning a few beers before you go out to make yourself feel (and maybe look?) good.
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