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There’s No Point: Cornellian Loses ‘Wow Factor’ After Meeting Someone Who Doesn’t Know How Prestigious Cornell Is

From the moment their acceptance letter arrives in the mail to the rest of their lives, Cornell students rejoice in the ability to impress strangers when asked where they go to school. However, this “wow factor” was lost on one student, Meghan Riley, when her new hairdresser seemed to be unaware of how prestigious Cornell is.

“I was in the middle of Supercuts ready to shine when I was met with someone who didn’t recognize the good Cornell name,” Riley complained as she adjusted her Cornell baseball cap. “It was a real punch in the face. What hurts the most is that this would’ve never happened to a Harvard student. If only my dad was connected to more powerful people!”

Riley attempted to get acknowledgment on how accomplished she was by mentioning Cornell’s hockey rivalry with Harvard. When that didn’t work, she admitted defeat.

“It’s always hard to meet someone who doesn’t know that Cornell is an Ivy. We are an Ivy, we are.” Riley sighed. “It’s just ridiculous when the one thing that makes you stand out is taken away. Why don’t more people spend their time refreshing college rankings pages?”

The Supercuts employee, Linda Grape reportedly went about her day normally.

“Yeah, I knew that Cornell was an Ivy.” Grape laughed. “Getting into Cornell is impressive but what matters the most is what you give to the world. I just wanted to show her that no one outside of her mother’s group of friends really gives a fuck.”

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.

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