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These Are The 5 Best Deals In Boulder Right Now!  

 You just scored a passing grade on that in-class exercise that you were prepared for and you successfully made a cheeky and low-key hilarious remark about the weather when some hottie sat across from you in Norlin. You’re feeling cute, confident, and ready to go balls to the wall with that money you got for Hanukkah and never spent. Carelessly spending money is our bread and butter, so we’ve compiled a list of the five latest and greatest deals in BoCo this week! 

5.) Pineapple Express 1/8th for $40.00:

Are you from the East Coast and miss the days where you could pay top dollar for your drugs? Or are you a hip and trendy Boulderite who has to let everyone know that they get their cannabis for the hippest, trendiest, and most pretentiously urban underground dispensary? Well look no further- Native Roots will have you kickin’ it old school like a younger and fatter Seth Rogan for the low-low price of $40.00. It comes in a fancy and inconveniently large bag, so you can let everyone on Pearl know that you’re here for a good time.

4.) Ottoman Slouchy Tunic for $148.00:

Is it a shirt? Is it a sweater? Is that the whole thing? Not really sure what’s going on here, but that’s how you like it.  All you know is that the salesgirl is ignoring you, white is your color, and you need this on your body. It’s understatedly sexy and bafflingly simple- those Sig Nu boys won’t know what hit ‘em when you walk in wearing this bad boy. Available now in the sale corner of Free People. 

3.) Pearl Street Penthouse for $5,708/month:

Let’s just say what’s on our minds: you live in a shithole and don’t pay enough for it. Upgrade ya lifestyle with this swank-ass condo with two garages that can fit both your Lambos and your bicycle. You’ll be straight flexin’ on your coworkers who come over when you get a job and have coworkers who can come over. These views of the flatties and this natural lighting? You can’t even.

2.) Chicken Quesadilla for $7.00:

Girl, you just love food and you’re going to die when you taste this spicy Aioli. This traditional Mexican dish is from a little hole-in-the-wall tequila bar called Tahona, and will for sure have you saying “bueno!” It’s usually $10.00 but- oh my  gawd- it’s happy hour! It’ll probably fall apart by the third bite, but you’ll just shove the pieces in your mouth because it’s so fucking good. 

1.)   Gel Manicure for $42.00:

Yeah, you could get a perfectly good gel manicure for much cheaper at that nail salon/Chinese food place in the back of a parking lot, but you’re from Los Angeles and way too good for that. Spend your entire drinks budget for the weekend and get your Mani done by white people at this nail ~spa~. So fancy and sophisticated! Then take the HOP back to your shit-ass apartment.

No wonder Boulder is known for its great deals!!! You’ll flip out for these yummy eats and affordable drugs- enjoy! You only live once. Treat yo’self, right?


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