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5 Boulder Things That Would Be Very Weird Anywhere Else

Everybody at CU is aware of the concept of “the bubble.” We live in it, breathe in it, and play beer pong in it. Because the Boulder bubble is so concentrated, there are obviously cultural habits and ideas that aren’t exactly “cool” for the outside. Wondering what that may include? The Black Sheep already did that for you.  These are tyne top 5 CU things that would be very weird if they were anywhere else.

5.) A “CSU Killed Harambe” sign:
Some may remember when the glorious silverback gorilla Harambe was shot in cold blood in May of 2016. The following school year, the phrase “CSU Killed Harambe” was posted all over campus and was represented at the showdown. Yea, this might be ok to have at CU, but post this anywhere else and the general public may be a little confused. “That’s such an old meme. Who is CSU? Is that an anti-humane society group? Who tf still cares anymore?” The hate that CU has for CSU and Harambe’s somehow related death is simply too complicated for an outsider to understand.

4.) Bros wearing white converse:
Ok, this may just be a frat thing, but let us ponder this phenomenon. If someone was from Denver and they saw the foot shenanigans that take place in the frat houses on the hill, heads would turn. It’s not too often you’ll see guys wear the same shoes as their girlfriends, but visit CU and it will all make sense- they’re both making their way to a white-themed charity drive so who can really judge. Besides the fact that it’s Greek life. White themed. In Boulder.

3.) Fuzzy horn headbands: 
Yeah, the things all the girls in your dorm would wear, but lost them on the Hill while dartying. Its without a doubt the most unacceptable thing to wear in public that is CU related. At Folsom Field, the horns make someone look like a cute Buffalo snack, but in public all you’ll look like is straight Buffool. If anyone wants to be put into an insane asylum, just tell them to wear a pair of the horns and start screaming “BUFF EM UP BUFF EM UP GO CU.” They’ll either get the cops called on them, or will pass out from the lack of drunk support and exasperation.

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2.) Your Vape, complete with a big ol’ CU Sticker:
Walk into a party on the Hill and 9 times out of 10 everyone is going to have a personal vape device that is singlehandedly made by the devil for nicotine convenience. It may be a Juul, mod, Sourin, or maybe a Fix, but there’s no doubt everyone in that party is inhaling some mix of flavorful chemicals that they think are “better” than cigarettes, all while repping CU. Some students even have the audacity to smoke in class — puffing clouds in CHEM 140 while discussing global warming.

1.) Aggressive chalkings:
It’s impossible for a student to walk through the CU campus and not see petty attempts to get them to go somewhere, see something, or do both while eating free pizza. Imagine if community events were written on the sidewalk like they are at college campuses. Instead of seeing writing for free swing dancing classes or yoga with goats, there would just be a lot of free bingo and ads for dispensaries. If a civilian were to see a message written in chalk about joining “The Herd,” the beloved student organization may be getting phone calls from businessmen with high libidos and unhappy marriages.

Next time you go somewhere that isn’t Boulder, make sure to whip out some of these. Locals will surely think you’re stupid, or deranged. But deep down, you’ll know you’re just a Boulderite. Meanwhile, everybody who doesn’t live in Boulder or go to the University will think we’re a bunch of weirdos, and hopefully never visit ever, ever again. Stay unique and little odd, Boulder.

 

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