At the beginning of the school year, we all made a promise to ourselves to eat right, work out, and become sexy. But after a week, maybe two of completely neglecting any sort of dietary or workout regime, we all realized how idiotic that notion was. There’s barely enough time for socializing sleeping and watching Netflix! Not to mention brushing your teeth. And if you are a freshman, there’s literally food everywhere. For FREE. So instead of giving up all those lovely snacks and dinners, let The Black Sheep tell you why you DON’T have to go to the gym.
5.) Literally everything you do burns calories:
Walking, talking, playing with your pet, having intense dreams, eating food, watching scary movies, reading, popping your gum. It all requires energy, and uses up a bit of that cupcake you had for breakfast. So speed-walk to class, write your notes really aggressively, practice gang signs, or even chew the occasional salad with gusto and it will balance out all the pizza from Cosmo’s.
4.) All your friends are pretty funny, sort of:
College life is all about having fun. Thankfully, laughter is an excellent core workout. If you surround yourself with funny, enjoyable people you’ll have chiseled abs without even trying. If the people around you aren’t funny, be sure to drink plenty of alcohol and engage in felonious activities to get the good times rolling.
3.) Starbucks is far away:
We all have to deal with the sorority-girl fueled social craze of, “OH MY GOD YOU GUYSSSSSSS! PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES ARE BAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!” Yes. We know (and yes, we secretly like them too). However, there is a plus side to the white-girl PSL fandom. For some god-forsaken reason, there isn’t a Starbucks on campus. Getting to Starbs requires trekking up the Hill, which is basically a mountain, so you are basically hiking. If your fifteen minutes on Instagram has you craving a seasonal beverage after all the hype, know that your thighs and ass will be totally sculpted after the climb.
2.) You get turnt:
Ideally, drunk you is a pretty fun person. Drunk you dances around, charges from party to party with conviction, and enthusiastically sings along to the music (even when it’s only in your head). Your drunken alter ego should burn a LOT of energy. Unless everyone is complaining about how crazy you get after 4-11 drinks, you aren’t burning enough calories. So drink up and get down.
1.) Everyone else is getting fat too:
Aside from the few freaks of nature who can eat whatever they want and still fit into their jeans, most people gain a few pounds in college. It’s a fact of life, and we’ve all been mentally preparing ourselves since freshman year of high school. We are all in this together. The important thing to remember is no matter how many cookies you consume, your mom will still love you.
So please, don’t feel ashamed the next time you walk past the Rec without going in. There are far more creative and enjoyable ways to exercise. Besides, who cares anyways? You are not defined by your body.
As long as you have money. And power… And a hot boyfriend.
Want to see more from The Black Sheep?
Follow us on Twitter!