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5 Things The CU Boulder Class Of 2021 Will Never Understand

Ah, freshman year in Boulder… the sweaty parties, the lack of experience, the high school innocence that will soon be lost. Anyone who isn’t a freshman would give their left leg to be a wide-eyed and blissfully ignorant high school graduate first stepping onto the CU Boulder campus, a heart full of hope and a head full of unrealistic expectations. While the class of 2021 may have the upper hand when it comes to happiness and childlike wonder, what the rest of CU Boulder has on them is experience. Here are a few things that the kiddies of the class of 2021 will never understand.

5.) The struggle before the baseline underpass:
The class of 2021 has the luxury of the underpass connecting the University with Taco Bell, Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Goodwill, Taco Bell, and Starbucks. But life wasn’t always this easy. After an eternity of construction work, students can now get to Taco Bell without the risk of accidentally walking into four lanes of traffic, but rather getting the stink eye from the homeless using the tunnel as a temporary home. Don’t worry though, they typically don’t bite, typically. Before the underpass’s existence, students would have to wait for the walking signal to cross. What an inconvenience!

4.) A place to buy your vegan, gluten-free, cage-free, cruelty-free granola:
Sorry yuppies, now to get your overpriced groceries, you’ll need to go two blocks further to Sprouts. Maybe this is for the best; you really shouldn’t be eating healthy your freshman year anyway. Head to the C4C and see how strong your internal organs really are (what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?). If you really wanna meet up with some trustafarians, check the bushes by Farrand field after 11 p.m. — they’ll be there with their “100% organic herbs.”

3.) When the City of Boulder didn’t care about pedestrians:
On the other hand, maybe that new underpass was a good idea. Last July, the City of Boulder proved that they actually care about people’s welfare the only way that they knew how: by creating another opportunity for people to pay them. A new law would fine citizens for the most shameful sin of jaywalking. This shouldn’t be a problem though, as we all know college students are both patient when they need to be and extremely cognizant of the consequences of their actions when they have to be. Right? Right!?!

2.) Back when there was only one UMC:
Office Space – A legendary comedy, not a great construction project. Those who have been attending CU will remember back when this area had open grass and a beautiful view of the flatirons. But because there aren’t nearly enough places on campus for faculty and students to hate their lives, it will now represent the 9-5 cubicle job nightmare that awaits us all post-graduation. On the upside, we finally have a building that looks at least slightly different from literally every other building on campus. And who cares what needless project your tuition goes towards anyways???

1.) Denny’s on 29th: 
Once a beacon in the dark for those who were hungover, lonely or both, the Denny’s on 29th street closed down recently. Corporate America never gave us a good reason  (do they ever?) They seemingly just got up, said nothing and left in the middle of the night, Kind of like the last Tinder “date” you were on. The restaurant was always busy, the location was great, and the waitresses attentive. What’s next, IHOP??

Sure, it seems great to be a freshman – but they’ll never know the things that you know! Sometimes it’s better to be older and wiser. Also, let’s be honest, do  you really think you have that kind of stamina anymore?

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