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5 Tips For Dealing With Your Awkward Upstairs Boulder Neighbors

Well well well, look at you, sort of living like an adult and co-existing with other sort of adult livers in a multi-family home on The Hill! Whether it’s a duplex, triplex, octoplex or you just have neighbors that live less than 15 feet away from you, you’re probably living in close quarters with some randos because either your broke, your carry-over friends from freshmen year told you it’d be so fun. You can choose your roommates, but you can’t always choose who you share the brick n’ mortar with, so whether you’re in the basement, on the top floor, or some bizarre mashup of both, these 5 tips should keep you from getting passive-aggressive notes on your car in your **SHARED** driveway.

5.) They probably don’t want to be your homie:
Unless you’re in Sig Nu and your bros convinced you that living across from the frat house with 10 other bros separated into three equally-shitty units was totally a dope idea, the other people living in your divided homestead probably would like to continue to live their own lives and pretend they aren’t being forced to live with you. Introduce yourself while you are sweatily moving your couch into your place, but after that, a casual and knowing head nod will do.

4.) Hey man, fucking SHARE:
Not as obvious or easy as it appears, sharing doesn’t come easy, especially when your housemates all have cars and boyfriends with cars. With solid parking spots less than 3 blocks from your destination worth their weight in top shelf marijuana these days, parking spots in shared driveways are the #1 cause of conflict among CU students. Also, porches. And yards. And possibly other things, too. And yes, you entitled white child, if you’re required to remove your own snow, stop bitching and pick up the shovel sometimes.

3.) Snitches are (well-rested) bitches:
Hey man, you did agree to this. If your housemates above you prefer 7 whiskey shots and Top 100 to your 3 bong rips and Superbad on a Saturday night, then invest in some earplugs and suck it up. If your walls literally vibrate and the music is loud enough to Shazam, maybe shoot them a text. If you call the cops, make no mistake- you’ve waded into deep and unforgiving waters. You might miss out on some much-needed sleep before your Bio exam as a result of being a coward, but it’s a small price to pay for your reputation as “pretty chill.”

2.) Get those digits:
It can be awkward to come out guns blazing and ask for your male housemates’ numbers when you meet them. But it can also be awkward when your landlord threatens to evict you because those same housemates put their Cosmo’s pizza boxes next to the recycling bin, not in it (fucking Boulder). And if they’re hot and are feelin’ you after that, we say go for it- shitting where you eat is perfectly ok, until you have to eat the shit.

1.) Be Courteous (enough):
If you’re the shots and Top 100 dude from #3, that’s cool- but you’d best learn to be at least mildly courteous to bong and Superbad guy in the basement. Now, no one expects you to not throw your bangers or to warn this kid everytime you’ll be bumpin’ tunes, but an obligatory invite (not to kickbacks, see #1) to darties that will overtake the entire property, timely responses to “STFU” texts, and ending your parties by 3 a.m. (2:30? 2?), and bong dude will totally be too stoned to concern himself with you.

Even if your housemates are dicks-which, let’s be real, they almost have to be- don’t let them ruin you and your good times. Be the bigger person, and pound on the wall with pots and pans until they shut up. Or, you could actually leave the house.

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