6 Things You Won’t Miss About CU Over Break

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Finals week is starting and that means only another seven days till winter break! We’re all proud Buffs who are so fortunate to go to the best school in the country but honestly there’s some shit you can’t wait to get away from while you’re back home.

6.) The Snow:
If you go to CU and you’re not from Colorado, there’s a 95% chance you’re from California. And let’s face it, all Californians hate the cold and snow. Your winter break will consist of tanning at the beach, running around in your bathing suit, sipping daiquiris, and posting pictures of your hot dog legs on Insta.

5.) The Rise:
The football team hasn’t played this well since ­­— 1904?? But this season was an emotional rollercoaster, everything a Buff could wish for… and then the ending. The PAC-12 ‘ship was like a bunch of middle schoolers trying their hardest to outplay roided-out, 250 pound giants — it just didn’t look pretty. We need some time to escape from the post-season depression… which will be when we beat the shit out of OKST.

4.) Having $2.57 in Your Bank Account:
It sucks to always be poor, but you’re still in college so it doesn’t count. It’s like drinking so much your liver is going to explode all the time but you’re not an alcoholic until you graduate. Normal people suffering through these conditions would be homeless but for you, well, you just have to forget about that extra latte this week. When you go home for break, you’ll get to live and eat like royalty.

3.) Checking D2L Everyday:
Spending all day in class and at the library is enough but getting home, unwinding, and then suddenly checking D2L in sheer panic because you’ve never looked at the syllabus is just not cool. D2L is the opposite of Facebook, you never want to have any notifications but you wake up to 135 unread messages that are crucial to your success in life. And you can’t even wish your professors happy birthday, what a scam.

2.) Kale Chips:
Some of you actually might miss this but for your sake let’s truly hope not. They’re even selling these satanic snacks at Starbucks, so let’s all pray that for 2017 they disappear. It’s liking going to a nursing home to visit ol’ granny and asking for dessert, you’re only going to be disappointed, constipated, and shatter your teeth from how stale they are.

1.) HungryBuffs:
It’s 3 a.m. and you’re completely hammered, so as all wise CU students tend to do you order a sandwich from Fat Shack which you’ll shortly regret — and so will your toilet. You’re waiting and waiting and waiting — it’s been two goddamn hours and your food still hasn’t arrived. And then seemingly out of nowhere, you get a text that Chad in his ’99 Honda Civic is pulling up, get ready! Chad knocks about twenty times on your door… except you’ve somehow already passed out again. You wake up the next morning to a pile of frozen chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, and cheese sauce on your doorstep just waiting to be thawed out. It’s hard to say you’ll miss this when you’re back at home, when you just raid your parents cabinets like a drunk yeti. 

All this crap will be waiting for you when you come back for spring semester so don’t get too excited — and so will your asshole roommate Becky who’s staying over break to keep drunkenly puking in the couch cushions.