Connect with us
Connect with us

CU Boulder

Boulder Was The Happiest U.S. City In 2017, But What Makes It Sadder This Year?

Last year, National Geographic named Boulder, Colorado the happiest city in the US. Awesome, right? But now that Boulder has peaked in its existence, we are witnessing the comedown. Here are 5 reasons why Boulder is significantly sadder in 2018.

5.) Marijuana is being legalized in more places:
It’s very possible that Boulder was deemed the happiest city in the US only because every Boulderite is always high as a fucking kite. But now that weed is becoming the norm, everyone is experiencing that sweet euphoria only THC can bring. And with all of America getting super stoned, Boulder no longer stands out for how much its residents laugh. . . or eat. In other words, Boulder is sadder because Boulder is just as stoned as everyone else.

4.) Landlords can now charge more for rent:
Thanks a lot, National Geographic. By alerting the country of how much of a bop BoCo really is, landlords can now use this arbitrary status to increase the already expensive rent. Say goodbye to nightly Happy Hours at Illegal Pete’s on The Hill — you have to save that money for rent now.

3.) The Taco Bell Cantina has lost its initial grandeur:
When the Taco Bell Cantina first opened on in Boulder, that shit was i-n-c-r-e-d-i-b-l-e. You could toss back a cheesy gordita crunch and down a weird mixed drink of tequila and baja blast all for under $10. Now, however, the price of this experience is your Friday night dignity. The Taco Bell Cantina has likened itself to Boss Lady, The Fat Shack, and Cheba Hut. Moreover, it’s now just another place to make very regrettable decisions on The Hill.

2.) There’s only room to go down:
Being called the happiest city in the United States doesn’t give Boulder much room to improve. . . or any really. Sure, Boulder could try to be named the happiest city in the world, but so long as Amsterdam still exists, Boulder just isn’t making the cut.

1.) Living in the happiest city has forced you to confront how sad you really are:
Hey Nat Geo, if Boulder is supposed to be the “happiest” city in America, then why do I cry myself to sleep every night, hm? And why am I always on the verge of a mental breakdown? Damn Nat Geo is so stupid; they were dead wrong about Boulder being happy-go-lucky. It’s either that or I’m depressed which is absolutely ridic— Oh. . . well shit.

Boulder had a good run. It had lots of mountains, lots of weed, and lots of bikes, but unfortunately, those traits just aren’t enough anymore. Boulder is a lot sadder this year, and we can only expect this city to keep getting more depressed, especially while the cost of living keeps increasing.

Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame:

Continue Reading

More from CU Boulder

To Top