Sophomore Claims Responsibility for #5 Ranking on Princeton Review’s ‘Dankest Campus’ List

author-pic at CU Boulder  

Students at CU Boulder ripped a metaphorical collective bong on Wednesday after The Princeton Review ranked the school #5 in its Reefer Madness category, a jump up five spots from the year prior. However, one student claimed he is the sole reason behind the move in the reefer rankings.

“I smoked so much weed last year,” said Chad Widman, an incoming sophomore. “Like, so many G’s- and O’s-worth of weed on 4/20 last year. Dude, I was so high last year, I don’t even remember touching the ground. Do you get that? Do you know what I’m saying?”

Students who participated in the survey were asked, “How widely is marijuana used at your school?” Last year, CU Boulder was ranked #10.

Widman said it was “super trippy” that CU Boulder was ranked #10 last year and is ranked #5 this year, a possible correlation that he, in fact, may have weed-induced super powers capable of moving CU Boulder through the ranks.

“Do I have super powers capable of moving schools up through the rankings?” Widman asked to no one in particular. “For the record, I’m not saying no. I mean, man, it’s pretty eerie to think that I smoked so so much weed last year and we moved up in the rankings by so much. I’m gonna let that marinate with you for a few minutes.”

Another incoming sophomore, James, who agreed to talk with The Black Sheep under the condition we use his first name only because “I smoke so much weed, they’re considering making it illegal in Colorado again,” let it be known that Chad was “a punk and a pussy.”  

“Dude, Chad? He lived down the hall from me last year, and the only time he smoked was when I offered it to him,” James said.

Instead, James said that he was responsible for moving CU Boulder through the Reefer Madness rankings, claiming that “I could just feel those nerds at Princeton moving CU Boulder up the Reefer Madness list when I lit a joint.”

When reached for comment on the matter, The Princeton Review told us that, “Both Chad and James have smoked, like, three times collectively. Now, Lucas, the guy who used to live in Brackett? That kid knows how to smoke.”

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