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A Boulderite’s Guide to The Hill’s New Taco Bell Cantina

As the spring 2018 semester commenced at CU-Boulder, Buffs everywhere were stunned to learn of the newest edition to The Hill: A Taco Bell Cantina. After the initial shock of seeing capitalism in Boulder, the non-vegan Buffs started to regard the new Taco Bell with excitement and preparedness towards the 10-lbs. weight gain. We checked The Hill’s Taco Bell Cantina out to see if it was worth the hype- and turns out, it’s literally exactly what you’d expect.

In true Boulder fashion, this Taco Bell is way nicer than it should be. It has outdoor seating, no drive-thru, and is actually clean! These three qualities may sound like the bare minimum, but this is a Taco Bell. There’s no real “bare minimum”. In fact, the building’s slight resemblance to a very modern Hobbit home only makes it more luxurious.  

 

 

If you were worried that Boulder was going to ruin the classic things you loved about Taco Bell as it usually does, don’t. Just because this Taco Bell is upscale enough for a first date does not mean that its meat doesn’t come from a hose. Nor does it mean that you can no longer drink 50 different flavors of Mountain Dew there. (That’s right. Mtn Dew and Taco Bell are still partnered together. This is great news because it means putting Baja Blast back where it belongs: Into the hands and mouths of the outrageously stoned.)

However, just because this Taco Bell Cantina is fully-stocked on Mtn Dew does not mean that it’s not lacking in other departments. For example, alcohol. Despite having all the intentions of being a Taco Bell Cantina, this newly opened restaurant is really just a plain Taco Bell, after being denied their liquor license by some lawmaker with a conscience and a kid in college. While the cantina is busy fighting the good fight in the war for more alcohol in Boulder, you can do what everyone else does with regular Taco Bells…just show up plastered.

 

 

If The Hill’s arrival of the cheesy gordita crunch doesn’t have your mouth watering but you still want to feel apart of the Taco Bell buzz going around campus, don’t fret! They’re hiring. Not only that, they’re desperate. Please work for them. This job is perfect for the hundreds of buffs who have thought to themselves, “being a bartender for the fast food industry would be my dream job”.

The Taco Bell Cantina is officially on The Hill, bringing Baja Blast, a surprising amount of class, and a 2 a.m. meal you will regret in the morning. So if you’re so over the freshness of Illegal Pete’s queso, head over to the new Fat Shack!And if you wait long enough, you might actually see this Cantina fulfill its purpose and, well, serve alcohol.

 

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