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Reminder that College Actually Kind of Sucks Immediately Dawns on 8 a.m. Hale Lecture

Many are beginning to feel that little buzz of excitement that comes along with the prospect of a new semester. Coming back to Boulder, moving into their new dorm or apartment and shopping for school supplies are all part of the magic that is back to school. The sudden burst of motivation and false feeling of productivity is just that — a burst of elation that will inevitably end. 

Sophomore Brett Turner was feeling that very same way as he prepared to return to CU Boulder; dying to return to Boulder and escape his parents’ 12 a.m. curfew, ready to start the semester and finally get that 4.0 this year. But as he walked to Hale from his house on the Hill in 90 degree weather to a Common Core class that has nothing to do with his major, he realized that college life is not quite as “lit” as he remembered.

“I mean, I’m gonna give this place the benefit of the doubt, but so far, it’s looking’ pretty whack. Freshman year was so insanely lit, but it’s only been an hour and I’m honestly contemplating dropping out,” Brett complained. “Like, who even cares about school anymore? I don’t need some pretentious asshole with a PhD telling me about biology when I can just find the same information on Yahoo Answers.”

Many other upperclassmen expressed a similar sentiment. Ashley Williams, a junior, expressed her disillusionment with school after two long years, saying, “I wish I could feel the same excitement as the freshman. Their eyes sparkle as they walk around campus, they always wear CU gear… they’re just so fresh, so new, so innocent.”

“They don’t know what they’re in for… ” she continued, a distant look in her eye. “The C4C food, getting MIP’ed after yakking in your dorm bathroom because you combined UV Blue and Peach Burnett’s, the 7 pages of precalculus problems that you procrastinated until 2 a.m., eating ramen every night because you’re dead broke from all the booze you buy. It drains your spirit, man.”

Susan Beech, Director of CU Tuition and Fees Collection, didn’t seem surprised when asked to comment on the issue. “Unfortunately, the cloud of summertime boredom causes students to remember sleeping until noon and going to parties, not unqualified teaching assistants and lack of sleep and proper nutrition. Fortunately, that’s really not our problem. As long as your tuition gets paid, we don’t care how dead you are inside.”

That being said, Brett and other upperclassmen are trying their best to stay optimistic. Expressing his excitement for the “absolute rager” he’s throwing at his new house this weekend with his bros, Brett urged how wasted he’s going to get to forget about the pain of the 5 page essay he has to write on Sunday. Sometimes it can be hard to keep spirits up, but maybe we too can emulate the excitement that college freshmen are feeling about the upcoming school year, at least maybe after a few shots.

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