It’s no secret that Boulder is encased in a bubble to protect its residents from the big, bad, outside world. Most of the time Boulderites hotbox this bubble and prefer to live in a haze of blissful ignorance, but for the three times a year when every Buff has to interact with people outside of the bubble, we like to sound as elite as we think we are. Here are 5 conversation topics to let others know that you’re a Boulder elitist and you’re superior to everyone around you.
5.) Hike just one Flatiron and talk about it incessantly:
Hiking the Flatirons is a right of passage for any person who wants to consider themselves part of the Boulder bubble. So long as you hike at least one of them and talk about it rampantly, being sure to include comments about the fresh air and stellar views, you’ll brand yourself as a Boulder Elitist for sure.
4.) Hike somewhere in Colorado that’s NOT Chautauqua and talk about it superiorly:
Everyone knows the key to being truly Boulder elite is to hate on Boulder. So, pay a fortune for rent in the bubble and then complain to anyone who’ll listen about how you have to drive to Estes Park or farther to hike any good trails. Not only will you sound spoiled rotten, but you’ll also sound unlikeable. AKA, the perfect combo to show off your elitism.
3.) Boulder water:
Boulderites love pretending like they’re the only humans on Earth with access to clean water. Let the person you’re talking to know how stupid you are by asking if their tap water is safe to drink and talking about Boulder Creek as if it’s filled with holy water.
Because nothing shows how elite you are like talking about your drug habits. Boulderites also love to think that they’re the only ones to be exposed to legalized marijuana, so act confused when someone mentions that the drug is legal in eight other states. Parade your understanding of weed some more by asking your buddy, “Yo, what strain is this?” before hitting their bong and then unsuccessfully trying not to cough.
1.) Pearl Street:
Sure, just about every place ever has a mall or a main street for retail shopping. But with annoying insistence, you can repeat to your non-Boulder friend how Pearl Street is like no place else and how they, “just have you see it for yourself.” Sound extra annoying and Boulder Elite by trying to explain what street performers are, as if they exist nowhere else.
All in all, Boulder is a great place to live, but sometimes that needs validation. By talking about mountains, weed, water, and local shops, you can convince people how Boulder niche you are while also reminding yourself why you came to live here in the first place.
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