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CU Announces “General Concept” For Another Hotel On The Hill

Housing in Boulder is almost as pleasant as a colonoscopy- either way, you’re getting fucked in the ass. Everyone knows that the housing is overpriced and sub practical living standards. But some changes are afoot in the area behind the Starbucks on University.

CU Boulder is pleased to announce that it has purchased this lot, in hopes of turning it into yet another hotel.

 Student Janey West was  baffled, saying, “Seriously? They want to put a hotel across from campus? How many people do they think need to stay in a hotel around here?”

The lot extends from the housing behind the Starbucks to the Armory (and the other buildings no one really goes to).

A representative from CU explained, “As of now, there is no actual date or plan, just the general concept of putting a hotel right there.”

Katey Bates, a resident of the area, was angered by the comment: “So it could be tomorrow or it could be in 50 years? These houses are to be torn down any time. Literally, any time. Someone could come up to your door, knock, and ask you to get the fuck out because you signed a month-by-month lease.” 

But knowing CU and its wonderful promised planning, longtime resident of this area Joel McDonald just laughed, “There is no way. Bet you tuition it won’t happen before CU wins PAC-12”.

Look out in the next couple millennia for the new CU hotel, which will break ground when they decide to install modern heating on campus. The most common being asked: if a student is kicked out of their home, will they be excused from class?


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