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CU Skiers & Boarders Finally Able to Go Do the Thing They Pay $50,000 For

Now that it is early February and winter has finally arrived in Colorado, CU skiers and boarders are breathing a collective sigh of relief that they finally can break out those snow pants and do what they’ve centered their entire college career around: hitting the slopes at a ski resort that they live at least an hour away from. They’ve sacrificed their parents’ life savings for this moment, and now their $50,000 dreams are coming true.

Brock Lederman, a junior majoring in photography with a minor in philosophy and pig Latin, explained, “It’s like, say some kid came here to be an engineer, and then he got here, and then everybody was like, JK we don’t have engineering anymore because of global warming. That kid would for sure be like, why the fuck am I even going here? And then they’re like, JK we have engineering, but it’ll probably be gone next week, and the kid’s happy again. It’s like that. Except, ya know, with skiing and stuff.”

Parents Richard and Kitty shared in their sons’ excitement, reasoning, “We didn’t sell a kidney to have an unhappy son. It’s not that we aren’t willing to do that for Brock, but we’re a lot more willing to do it knowing that our son is shredding mad pow.”

But there is one group at CU that isn’t so excited about the recent snowfall- the stoner friend that the ski bums leave behind. Beanie wearer Chaz Bono, perpetual stoner and self-proclaimed hater of all things cold and requiring effort, complained, “Man, fuck this snow. No one wants to get stoned on the couch anymore. Everybody wants to do it on some chairlift.”

Dean of student affairs Lisa Shurp argues that the $50,00 in tuition isn’t the problem. “Let’s remember where we are. These parents pay upwards of $2,000 a month for a dwelling that they have no idea what their children are doing in. They’ll drop $50,000 at the drop of a hat if it’s for “learning things”. What they won’t do is pay $15 for that Epic Burger that their kid will pick off all the toppings from. That is absurd.”

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