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Top 5 Opportunities You Missed This Year At CU

We’re in our last week of classes: finals are stressing you out, you’ve exhausted Netflix, and now you need an excuse to procrastinate. We know you didn’t do everything your little heart desired these last few months, so we compiled a list of objectives you really should have accomplished this year at CU. The only feeling stronger than fear of finals is fear of missing out, so let’s replace one bad feeling with another, shall we?

5.) Hunted For That Clown:
Clowns were, for some reason, a thing this year. Now that this odd, borderline-terrifying American obsession is over, it would just be weird searching for them now. But imagine the fame you could have experienced if you were to crossbow down an actual clown? You would’ve been the hero of CU, the masses would’ve paraded for you on the Hill, and we’d venture to guess you’d be exempt from any and all future finals. Maybe next years’ horrific meme will have something to offer.

4.) Join An Anti-Trump Rally On Campus:
Wouldn’t you want to tell your kids that when you were in college, you stood outside the UMC and held a sign while people around you rushed to class and didn’t pay attention to you? That was your time, and now it’s gone, despite the masses that said they would protest every week until he was gone. But don’t worry, if you still want to be politically involved with a touch of douchiness, just wear one of those “Make CU Great Again” hats and call yourself an independent.

3.) Signed That Petition To Get A Chick-fil-A On Campus:
Speaking of civic duty, here’s one more thing you really screwed the pooch on. As ignorant millennials, we all have a duty to prioritize dank chicken over homophobic tendencies, and signing that petition was just the way to do it. It would have really helped you feel like you were pursuing a cause for a greater good, when in reality, your signature would have been the equivalent of a freshman shooting for the last cup in beer pong: useless.

2.) Trespassed In The Construction Zone For That New WASTE Building::
Oh sorry, we meant CASE. Either way, that puppy is bound to be done soon. CU shoots up buildings faster than your professor puts grades on D2L (so like within a few months) and your opportunities to cause mayhem behind that 6 foot fence are withering away. Fortunately for you, the barrier isn’t THAT hard to jump and the fact that there are signs saying the site is monitored with cameras is almost a 100% assurance they don’t have jack shit. So, get to breaking the law, Buffs. You only have so much longer.

1.) Used The Buff Pool:
Ah, yes, the second most idiotic thing our campus has to offer (right behind the bowling alley, of course). The beautiful thing about the Buff pool is that CU simply has it, well, because they can. When it isn’t just there to be covered up for 7 months, you’ll actually have the opportunity to use it. But will you? Life can be hectic, and it’s definitely unrealistic to carve time out of your day just to frolic in a huge water buffalo. However, when you do, it will be the most “alright” time of your life. Just to do it for the snapchats to your high school friends.

Hopefully this article inspired you and only made you a little depressed. The moral of the story is there are plenty of ways to be involved on campus, and usually these opportunities pop up every year (except the clowns- the clowns are gone). Be attentive for more memes and once-in-a-lifetime opportunities next year. After all, you only CU once, right?


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