The bone chilling cold that comes with Colorado winters is upon us, so we’ve compiled a list of things you should do before it’s just too damn cold outside to exist. Before you slap on your skis and pull out that $500 Patagonia, knock off some of the items on here. Consider it your pre-cold weather bucket list.
8.) Frolic in a wide-open field:
Once it starts getting cold and nasty there’s no more running around outside for pure joy. You’ll only be going outside to get from one place to another – fast. So, while you still can, run around in a field where there isn’t snow all the way up to your knees, and there isn’t an unsettling risk of frostbite.
7.) Enjoy a cold drink:
When it’s cold, one thing is for sure: having a Frappuccino or iced drink is fucking ridiculous. Enjoy your iced caramel macchiatos and summer favorites while you still can, because were entering the season of perpetual frigidness, in which buying a cold drink is a sure sign of being a lunatic. Soon it’s all going to be burned tongues and waiting for that boiling hot chocolate to cool down.
6.) Go on a hike in Chautauqua:
Pull a classic Boulderite move and go on a hike in this most stereotypical place you can before you’re too much of a lazy wuss to do it in the winter. In fact, it’ll probably be the last time you even exercise in 2016, so get on it, fatass! Do it before the only thing that can get you up the mountain is snow shoes.
5.) Walk outside without wanting to end your life:
Now that winter is fast approaching, it’s a lot harder to walk from the mathematics building to Hellems without getting slightly uncomfortable from the cold. But don’t worry – it’s only going to get worse. So take a nice stroll around Farrand, or walk around campus a little before walking from one class to another legitimately feels like you’re being killed by some curse of the cold and miserable.
4.) Wear shorts:
Soon before long your legs are about to feel like their constricted in sausage casing 24/7, so let those limbs breath freely while you can. Jump around a little, give your legs a few scratches, maybe even lay outside for a second so they can see sunlight one last time. Soon enough you’ll be waddling like a penguin, given you layered the shit out of your clothing just to stay warm.
3.) Take your smoke sessions outside:
Every winter, stoners mourn the death of being able to smoke outside – a great tragedy. Make sure to go to your coveted smoke spot, and relish in it. Before you know it, it’ll be ten degrees and three feet of snow will be piled on that same spot, which is virtually uninhabitable by the classic Boulder stoner. Enjoy the comfortable weather, and the fact that you can still toke up in peace.
2.) Protest the election of our new president, or protest the fact that those protestors are protesting:
Many people have loved being able to voice their opinion about the election, whether they enjoy marching in the middle of Broadway and stopping traffic, or criticizing those who stop traffic by holding signs that say “Make America
whi — great again.” Either way, go out and exercise that oh so endearing First Amendment right. Soon, you’ll just be constricted to trolling the internet inside, and making political posts that essentially do nothing to solve the problems of our country… wait a minute.
1.) Just cry:
So it goes, as winter approaches in Colorado many great things go away: the green on the trees, your bangin’ swimsuit bod, and the pure enjoyment that comes with going outside and not having to put on clothing like you’re preparing for war.
So, before you get cheery because soon you’ll be able to hit the slopes, mourn this year’s summer, put on some shorts, drink a cold beer and shed a tear for all the late night outdoor adventures you were able to have, as well as the mediocre tan you acquired. Then, give all of yourself to the cold, for, winter is coming.