Do you ever walk into a building or an area of campus and are overcome with nostalgia for your freshman year (but not really)? Maybe it’s anxiety-inducing memories of cluelessness and naivety during a time you just don’t want to think about because it is so painfully embarrassing? You’re not alone. Here are the top 5 CU places to steer clear of if Buffs want to minimize freshman year PTSD.
5.) The C4C:
Who knows why you would willingly enter this horrible hellscape, but if you maybe have a meeting at one of the offices upstairs, or hate yourself enough to subject yourself to the torture that is the C4C food (or worse, Weathertech) you’ll have to venture into the C4C. You’ll be immediately overcome with a wave of disgust and nostalgia, all mixing into one while you dig out your BuffCard that you haven’t used in two years. You’ll feel painfully out of place as you traverse the ridiculously long lines of naive, fresh-faced little freshman babies and reminisce on when your life was that simple. You’ll leave feeling horribly depressed and terrified about the inevitable and unstoppable passage of time and with severe gastrointestinal distress.
Nothing will bring you back to your freshman days like sitting in the cold, sterile waiting room of Wardenburg, surrounded by pale, coughing freshman who are literally giving you mono as you sit there. Everyone is scared, alone and nervous about their first medical experience without their mom to tell the doctor their symptoms, and already panicking about filling a prescription at the pharmacy for the first time. It’s humiliating, really, when whichever PA is working hands you that little cold care package as if you’re a child, but you secretly love it and scurry home, wishing your mom was there to make you some edible soup.
3.) Farrand Grab N’ Go or Convienience Store:
There’s nothing quite like the feeling of entering one of those sad little markets with their expired quesadillas and rock hard chicken-tenders, picking out a Red Bull and something to eat that will give you horrible gas, going up to the counter to give your BuffCard to the painfully awkward student employee who looks like they’re constantly on the verge of tears, and leaving feeling renewed and hopeful on your way back to your dorm room- rem, your home. Now when you go back to those markets, you just feel sad when you have to use your actual debit card because you don’t have Munch Money left. Damn
2.) Farrand Field:
Especially true for anyone who lived nearby, Farrand Field was the pinnacle of a fun, college-y experience when you were young and still thought college was like how it is in the movies, with people picnicking and playing frisbee on the large grass field. Now as you walk by, you just feel disdain towards all the freshman whose parents give them money to buy those ridiculously expensive hammocks. Relaxation? What’s that?
You’d be lucky if you never had a group project or club meeting that decides meeting in the UMC is a good idea. So, you’re forced to enter the literal void of chaos that is the UMC. Disgustingly dirty tables, shitty pizza, painfully bright fluorescent lighting and boring clubs that you don’t give a shit about shoving flyers and free koozies in your face. There’s nothing that is more quintessentially freshman. If you’re lucky, you’ll get in and out as soon as possible. But if not, you might have to remain and watch freshman wait in line for 40 minutes for chicken nuggets that taste like plastic or do their homework at a table covered in ketchup because they haven’t realized that there are better places to study. The whole experience is just horribly depressing, and takes you back to your lowest point in your college experience. 10/10 avoid at all costs.
As long as you are careful, you can avoid re-living your most painful memories of freshman year. And no Brad, you were not cool freshman year. Literally no one was. Just stick to buildings that aren’t overrun with little 18 year olds and you can successfully pretend like you didn’t get lost trying to find Coors Event Center freshman year.
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