5 Resolutions That Will Make You a Better Blue Hen

author-pic at University of Delaware  

While New Year’s Eve comes with great parties and alcohol slightly better than Everclear, this year the Delaware Blue Hens may be looking for more than a hangover on January 1st. While you’re thinking about the scores of pictures you’ll take to really demonstrate to Instagram you’re taking the “new year new me” mantra to heart, The Black Sheep compiled a list of resolutions in order to come back the best Blue Hen you can be.

5.) Keep Yourself to a Strict Diet:
Delaware students are known for their miraculous ability to function by consuming nothing but Natty and Domino’s. Blue Hens are fueled by minimally nutritional foods and still manage to get up, get dressed, dage, and still have enough time to get a passing GPA that allows them to repeat the process next semester. So if you want to really commit to your Blue Hen identity, ignore all other food groups.

4.) Sleep More:
Thirsty thursday is a tradition as sacred as the periodic butt-smell all over campus. People have been experiencing both since 1743 for sure. However the duty of reporting to class on Friday morning is often a bummer to some drunk-in-the-middle-of-the-week Blue Hens. So for those who get thirsty on Thursday, get off your high horse of responsibility. Be like other Blue Hens and don’t even bother going to class Friday morning. Hungover, you’re really not gonna get that much out of class anyway, so do yourself a favor and just don’t even bother. Sleep in and be well rested to go out Friday night. It’s what any Blue Hen would do.

3.) Look Your Best:
Looking good is a great motivator for the rest of your day. However if your day involves the occasional class, please be aware that the University of Delaware actually has a dress code. Hats must all say “Delaware” on them. Shirts must be Patagonia sweatshirts. Pants must either be jeans or athletic leggings with some impractical sheer cutout on them. And shoes must either be Duck Boots, Timbs,  white Converse, or Nikes. Deviation from this code will inevitably distract other students and disrupt the educational process.

2.) Go to the Gym, Bro:
If you’re gonna be a Blue Hen, you’ve gotta be the Broest Bro at the Little Bob. The new year is a great opportunity to begin your journey into Brohood. However, the Little Bob is not actually for working out. The Little Bob is actually a place where you can go and show off your Big-ness to all the other Bros. When you go to the gym, you have to stack at least two weights more than you should. And make sure to stand behind and glare at any bro that might be using your machine until he submits to your masculinity and surrenders the equipment.

1.) Be a Little More Grateful:
A little gratitude can go a long way, and Blue Hens have a lot to be thankful for. We go to a beautiful school, have classes that don’t do clicker questions, and an abundance of sticky frat floors to go to and look bored on. So, if you find yourself with an exceptional Smith Starb’s drink, please be sure to post on your story how #Blessed you are for material items. It’s important to appreciate the little things.

Although this is a good start, please be aware these resolutions are not guaranteed to make you the model Blue Hen. However, there are enough social cues on campus from the homogenous UD population that you should be able to fill in the blanks for yourself. Sometimes it’s difficult to make yourself blend in to the manufactured drones that comprise the student body. But remember, no resolution could make you a better Blue Hen than just buying something expensive that everyone else has.