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5 Things Freshmen Will Never Experience at UD

 The younger sibling always has it the best because Mom and Dad got to use the older children as guinea pigs. That’s how it feels to be an upperclassman on UD’s campus this year. A bunch of brand-new dorms, lavish study spaces, and Main Street corrections have this year’s freshmen living the good life, but upperclassmen will never forget the struggles. Here’s what these little snots won’t ever have to experience in their college career.

5.) Bears Freely Roaming Campus:
The Class of 2021 were not at UD when a bear stumbled into the Newark Area. They will never receive that panicked UD alert, or wonder whether they were going to make it home in one piece from McDowell. Sucks for them, ‘cause we’re pretty sure it was a one-time thing. Bears would know better than to come to a shit town like Newark twice.

4.) Joe Biden Being Back:
Well that’s what they get for being freshmen. Joe Biden came back last semester to grace us all with his presence, and these nerds missed it because they were busy still being in high school. Honestly? Get a life, losers.

3.) Holding Up Traffic on Main Street Whenever You Wanted:
The day that the traffic light was installed at the top of Main across from NDB was a sad day. This year’s freshmen will never know the joys of making literally everyone in cars late to wherever they were going by crossing the street in dense packs, completely un-phased by the idea of getting hit. This $40k out of state tuition won’t pay itself…

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2.) Mizu, Sass Cupcakes, and The Meltdown:
Diarrhea-inducing sushi, stale baked goods, and a restaurant that sold nothing but different variations of grilled cheese only made this list because we’re getting old and we don’t like change… but we’re not necessarily mad that they’re gone. But something about the fact that the Newark PD is now posted up in the former cupcake shop really ruffles our fading blue and gold feathers.

1.) That Patch of Mud Between Alison Hall and Caesar Rodney:
All these dumb newbies are livin’ the lavish life at post construction nightmare hell UD. They’ll never have to deal with unfinished sidewalks, closed roads, and living in old dorms from the 60’s while they watch the newer, nicer ones being built right in front of their faces. If you didn’t suffer through at least one night in Dickinson or the Rodjects, did you really even go here? The answer is unequivocally, no.

It wasn’t perfect back then, but we all bonded over these things, including a whole bunch of other bullshit. Upperclassmen have been hardened by their experience as veteran UD students, while these naïve little fresh meats are about to have everything handed to them in a silver CR dining hall spoon. At least Biden came back for us.

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