Halloween is less than a week away, and most of you probably haven’t had the time to even think about costumes because professors decided to get in on the festivities by terrorizing you with endless homework and exams. Yeah, you went to that pumpkin painting event, but that makes you about as Halloween-y as those people who just throw on animal ears and think it’s acceptable to call that a costume. Even the leaves are changing color in preparation for the 31st, but you’re still your plain, non-spooky self. Well, why waste precious time looking up “slutty crab costume” on Pinterest when there’s inspiration right on campus that’ll get you out of class and over to Benny in no time?
6.) A Towson Tiger:
Since your self-esteem is at an all-time low from midterms grades, why not get told that you suck by an entire classroom? You have nothing to lose, and an early pre-game to gain.
5.) The Grottos dumpster couple:
If you can’t wait until nighttime to ride the broomstick, get on with it right in the middle of lecture. The only problem with this one is that you might possibly get arrested, but hey, either way, you’re out of class. Maybe there’s booze in prison?
4.) A campus clown:
Even those who weren’t spooked by the clowns last year probably saw It and will freeze up at the very sight of your bright red nose and unsightly afro. Up the creepiness and your chances of getting kicked out by hiding under your professor’s podium and trying to lure other students to join you in your weird little lair.
3.) Kirkbride Jesus:
Whip out your holiest polo and most spiritual pair of khakis, and then print out some pamphlets ‘cause you’re going trick-or-converting. The trick is that if your professor doesn’t appreciate your mid-class sermon, all he can do is kick you out, which is what you wanted all along.
2.) The crosswalk sign on Main Street:
WALK SIGN IS ON. MAIN STREET. WALK SIGN IS ON. MAIN STREET. WALK SIGN IS ON. MAIN STREET. That’s all you’ll need to chant before the professor loses his mind and kicks you out, maybe even literally. And then you can waltz on over to the real Main Street crosswalk sign and to your favorite bar for some Bat-cardis and Zom-beers.
1.) Hoe Biden:
Why dream about your favorite Delaware stud when you can be him, and (even) sexier? This one’s great because there’s so many different types of Biden to pick from as the inspiration for your inner hoe, ice-cream lovin’ Hoe Biden, congressional Hoe Biden, UD Hoe Biden, the list is endless. If you want to be even more extra, get your most presidential friend to dress up as Big-rack Hoebama.
If your professor overreacts and tries to get you expelled, then just explain to the Dean that your costume represents school pride, you love UD soooo much that you wanted to dedicate your costume to it. Take advantage of the easiest day of the year to get kicked out of class without too many repercussions. It’s not always socially acceptable to stroll into class as an overtly sexualized version of the former vice president; It might not even be socially acceptable on Halloween, but you never know unless you try.