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7 Questions We Have for Uber Leroy

 

Uber Leroy has become a school-wide phenomenon known for the most LIT rides he gives around campus. Although we all know his name, very few of us know his story. Uber Leroy deserves better, and we are determined to hypothetically find out as much about him as possible. What circumstances led him to become the personality he is today? How did we get so blessed to have him with us? Here are 7 questions we have for Uber Leroy.

 

7.) Do you ever get sick of “Fergalicious”?
Listen, we get the appeal of the 2006 banger, but after the 50th time in one night do you ever consider pulling the aux out and throwing it out the car window? You’re a people-pleaser and your riders respect that, but once in a while you should treat yourself and play something new, something surprising, something we’ve never heard before.

 

6.) Have you ever blacklisted anyone?
Although it’s unspoken, your Uber is probably filled with drunk students more than 75% of the time. That being said, there has to have been one, or multiple, instances where it got to be too much. Has anyone ever attempted to take the driving wheel away from you? Has anyone ever taken advantage of your Uber Leroy-ness and taken it too far?

 

5.) Is this your full-time job?
No disrespect, just asking out of genuine curiosity. It seems like you’re always on the Uber clock, taking drive-by selfies and making everyone’s lives better. But is there more to your everyday life than driving underage drunk kids to their next drinking destination?

 

4.) How many people have thrown up in your car?
Your red Ford Expedition is the absolute staple of your brand, but that doesn’t mean it’s never had it’s dark days. How many times have you had to deal with drunk girls throwing up in the back seat?

3.) Does Uber know how much you mean to this community?
Uber should be giving you rewards and raises for your willingness to go above and beyond on every ride. You average 45, 5-star trips a day; that’s nothing to ignore. You give people hope in a dark time of silent Uber rides, and Uber should be letting you know how valued you are.

 

2.) What made you switch over from normal driver to super driver?
What caused you to make the decision to give 110% on every ride? How did you know this was your absolute calling? You spent your own money on the lights, and you have chosen to deal with the horrible singing of drunk girls in the wee hours of the morning. Are you an angel?

 

1.) Are you single?
Is there an Uber Wife in your life? Do you go home to a bunch of Uber Children every night? Your personality and music taste has everyone thinking someone snatched you up a while ago, but we can still dream.

 

In addition to these questions, we also want to formally thank you for your service in the UD community. You’ve changed our college experiences for the better, and this place wouldn’t be the same without you. Until our next ride, Leroy.

 

 

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