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8 Places In Newark That Need a Liquor License

 

Everyone’s had that feeling, that “man I could really use a beer right now” feeling. When you’re in college it happens pretty much every day, but you’re not always in the right spot to crack a cold one with the boys. Since there’s nothing worse than that empty feeling, here is a list of places in Newark the need a liquor license, like right the fuck now.

8.) Trabant and Perkins:
This one is a no brainer; it would be great for those times in between classes when you just need something to take the edge off. It might not be the best idea to serve alcohol in Trabant since it might escalate fights over who got to the last open table first, but it’ll sure make for more entertainment than people-watching instead of doing your homework like what you were there for in the first place.

7.) Newark Deli & Bagel:
NDB, the hangover cure, of course has to be on this list. How have they not done this yet? Putting food in your stomach always makes a hangover more tolerable, but we all know the only true way to cure a hangover is more drinking. They’re clearly missing a huge opportunity here.

6.) The Food Carts Outside Smith and the 5 and Dime:
Very conveniently located in the most high-traffic areas of Newark, these guys need to get their liquor licenses and give the people what they want. Besides, who wants to walk past the KAstle sober, anyway?

5.) Delaware Stadium:
Duuuuhhhhh. They don’t sell alcohol at the stadium, crack down on students drinking at tailgates, and then complain about students not showing up to football games. Figure it out.

4.) The Line for Grottos:
When you’re waiting in line for 45 minutes losing your pre-game buzz, nothing would come in handy more than a bar that you can get drinks from while you wait in line to get into the bar. That might defeat the purpose of waiting in line to get into the bar, but we’re not interested in re-writing grotto’s business plan, we just want to drink.

3.) The offices of the apartment development companies that have personally victimized you and your roommates:
We’re not naming names, but a certain apartment development company left students stranded in hotels for some time this semester. It would be really nice of them to have a nice bottle of whiskey available for you when they tell you that you’re going to be living in a hotel 3 miles away from campus for another 3 weeks.

2.) The Starbucks in Smith Hall:
This is a long time coming. The future is now, it’s time students are able to walk out of class to the hallway outside and get a beer and sit back down. Maybe you want to add a little Fireball to your mocha frappe? You should be able to, right on campus.

1.) Club Morris:
Finally, no more missing dages and bars to study for your midterm that your dickhead professor assigned for the Monday after halloweekend. The only other place on campus you spend your time until 1 a.m. is the bar, so it’s about time Club Morris added bottle service. Students should be allowed to reserve their group study room with a nice bottle of Ace of Spades along with it.

 

Next time you’re at any of these places, imagine how much better they’d be if you had a beer in your hand. It’s a work-in-progress, but hopefully these very important changes are made to reduce stress levels of UD’s student-residents.

 

 

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