About 365 days have passed since the day the UD Campus stood still. In a time of fear, panic, and chaos, we united together to fight the biggest threat we have faced as a student body: the fuckin clowns, man. They were everywhere; they stalked our streets, appeared in the cemetery, and haunted our dreams for weeks. Today, we are stronger because of these events, and we recount all we went through to make it out alive.
“I remember it like it was yesterday,” Michelle Fahey, victim of Clown-Gate recounts. “I received a mass snap of a masked monster somewhere near South Chap, but the terrifying thing was, I was walking home alone on South Chap, and a clown passed me in a car. I fell to my knees sobbing. Even though the car had driven away and caused me no physical harm, I knew this day marked the beginning of my mental trauma. I missed classes for three weeks, I was paralyzed in my bed. You know, except for the weekend, I was ok for the weekend for sure.”
Michelle Fahey is one of the hundreds of UD students who have mentally perished from this momentous event in school history.
Another victim, Chloe Iturralde, remembers receiving a haunting message from her sorority GroupMe.
“The message sent a photo of a clown in the middle of the cemetery on New Street. The look in its eyes haunts me to this day. Even though I only ever saw a picture, and never saw one in real life, I was genuinely changed as a person the day I received this. I went home to New Jersey for a few months to just reevaluate the meaning of life”.
Only one university representative has answered our calls and released a statement on the issue.
“It’s just kind of confusing. It’s not like clowns are real, they’re literally just people wearing costumes and exaggerated makeup. There has never once been an actual clown like, in the existence of the world. Kids dressed up as clowns to scare people, it apparently worked, and students used it as an excuse to skip class and have people feel bad for them last year.”
The representative also shared that if students cared half as much about locking their doors than they did about hunting the clowns, we would have virtually no break-ins.
Although many doubt the seriousness of the 2016 clown scandal, we all know someone who was affected by these few painful weeks. Halloween season will always be a reminder of the minds we lost, the logic we sacrificed, and the turmoil that turned the UD campus upside down.
A candle-light vigil will be held on The Green, October 31st at 7:30, in honor of all of those who overreacted over genuinely nothing.