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What Are Those F*ckers In the Morris Study Rooms Really Up To?

 

Could it be a group project? A Cartel Meeting? Being held against their will by the CIA? What would cause people to spend hours, days, and weeks in the confinement of those all-glass Morris Study Rooms? Sure, finals week is rough for everyone. Most people don’t even go to class, and didn’t bother to get the study guide. Some only rely on their frats’ test banks. With a lack of materials and eminent C- on the way, what could people possibly be doing with all that time in those goddamn rooms?

 

Actually Studying:
This is unlikely, but it’s what they look like they are doing. With all of their school sweatshirts from the bookstore and coffee from Perkins, the people in those rooms look like a friggin’ stock photo from the UDel website. All those folks holed up in those see-through boxes could be studying, but we doubt its that innocent.

 

Creating a War Bunker:
Your Mom back on Long Island has already threatened that “you will not be coming back if you don’t get at least a 2.0.” You know you have to pull through on your BUAD110 final if you want to live with your bros in the house with the sweet basement on Prospect next year; so with one too many tabs open and the pressure from your mom, you might just go nuts and start hoarding cans of food from the POD to get through this academic warzone.

 

Selling Adderall:
The market for Adderall at this time of the year is completely inelastic. And as a pharmacology major, you’re like definitely qualified to be giving kids a prescription. You can charge whatever you want, and burned out freshman pulling all-nighters in George Read will haul ass over to your little study room and buy all your addy. They are too young to know any better.

 

Being Paid by the University to Look Productive When a Tour Walks By:
You may have been deceived by your own tour when you were only considering signing your financial stability away to UD. You may have truly believed that with all of its white columns and crotchety old men in bowties, that Delaware was, in fact, an academic institution. And of course, parents of high school seniors from the tri-state area want to make sure their tuition money is going to more than beer money. To proliferate this falsehood, the university employs hoards of young people aged 18-22 to look really damn busy in these stupid fucken’ rooms.

 

While no one knows for certain what kids are doing in those glass rooms of Morris, The Black Sheep has a pretty good idea of the possibilities. Whether they have gone absolutely nuts by the stress, or have been employed by the University to make false advertising believable, year after year students find some really good reason to look on the verge of a meltdown inside those fishbowl-like cubes. If you find you are one of these students, good freaking luck.

 

 

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