Top 5 Places To Take Your ProUD Puppy To Sh*t On Campus

author-pic at University of Delaware  

UD puppies are sprinkled all over campus, from Perkins Student Center to Willard Hall. Some puppies may prefer dropping their bombs on the green, comforted by the soft whips of chemically saturated grass blades. Others might prefer the rough texture of UD’s red brick pathways to ensure an ultra clean baby booty. If you’re raising a UD puppy, visit these UD shit-stops for your pup to convey messages via dung.

5.) The Book In Mentor’s Circle:
The mentor circle sees a lot of foot traffic every day, and with prospective student tours coming up what better way to welcome all new potential Blue Hens than with the smell of shit to penetrate their noses? Also, it’ll teach those random young children who sometimes like to slide down the book how unforgiving life can be, when they slide straight into some dog shit.

4.) Your Organic Chemistry Text Book:
Orgo can easily be considered the biggest catastrophe out of all the courses UD has to offer. The pages of these books are saturated with symbols and concepts that your tiny peanut brain refuses to comprehend. If anything, puppy poop smeared across those pages will improve the lesson that Professor Sametz has assigned to you, and future Blue Hens will get that they shouldn’t even bother memorizing the structure of Benzene and other aromatic compounds.

3.) Outside Kirkbride To Replace Piece Of Shit Kirkbride Jesus With An Actual Piece Of Shit:
While KBJ annoys the hell out of everyone by trying to convince us that we’re all going to hell, his absence outside of Kirkbride sometimes leaves a hole in our hearts. Replacing the preacher with a piece of your puppy’s excrement seems the most reasonable and effective way to fill the void.

2.) In the Fountain:
Every UD senior makes it a point to jump in the fountain before graduation so they can check it off of their UD bucket list. Help depressed UD seniors everywhere live their last semester to the fullest, and take your puppy to the fountain to leave a puppy feces floating in the water. Sure, they’ll be mad that you deliberately got poop on them, but it’ll be an experience that they will never forget and that’s what it’s all about.

1.) Under the Kissing Arches:
The kissing arches are considered the most romantic place on campus. If you have a broken heart, let your puppy squeeze out a big one right there on the red brick for some emotional and spiritual healing. Then you can watch couples step in poop while they try to take those cringe-worthy kissing Instagram pics.

No matter which UD shit-stop you choose to take your puppy to, remember that each deuce can make a powerful statement. But it’s also important to remember that these poops aren’t all about you, they’re about your puppy’s digestive system evacuating a bowel movement, too. Do what you can to make their craps as integrated to the University of Delaware experience as possible by visiting these places for number two’s!

WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.