After thin pleas for diversity and the following email scandal, it appears UD President Ass-Anus can’t catch a break. He is reportedly attempting yet another PR stunt to appear the responsible yet hip, “cool dad” of the University of Delaware. His newest project involves revamping the G-rated UD Bucket List to be a little more extreme. The Black Sheep has ranked his top 6 modifications.
6.) Pregame a Guest Speaker Event: (Originally: “Attend a Guest Speaker Event”)
The President says “The university pays a lot for these blowhards to come here so it’d be cool if students could show up. However, tailgating is back so do what you gotta do to be able to sit through a whole lecture.”
5.) Get Decked at a Football Game: (Originally: “Get Decked Out in Blue and Gold for a Football Game”)
Ass-Anus challenges “I have always encouraged my students to speak the truth. So if you find yourself at another football game and for once want to cheer for a winning team, start cheering for JMU. I dare you. You might get punched, but at least you’ll go home a winner.”
4.) Pull An All-Nighter (Not Studying): (Originally: “Pull an All-Nighter (Studying)”)
Ass-Anus says “I don’t give a fuck what you do, if you can physically withstand over 24 waking hours of unabbreviated Newark, Delaware, you win.”
3.) Spit Shake the UD President: (Originally “High Five the UD President or Dean of Your College”)
With the spread of mono, flu, and smallpox going around campus, the President wants to let the student body know he’s down in the trenches with them. In hopes of catching one of the many communicable diseases to improve his public image, the Bucket List has been edited to include the classic “Spit Shake the President” to increase morale and connection with the UD students.
2.) Pierce Hugh Morris’ Nose: (Originally: “Rub Hugh Morris’ Nose”)
The Hugh Morris Statue has looked the same for many years and since the library is currently remodeling, the President feels the iconic Hugh Morris Statue “could use an upgrade” as he puts it. Ass-Anus says “The first student to drill a hole into the bust’s septum and adorn it with a bull ring gets $10 of printing money.”
1.) Hotwire the UDairy Ice Cream Truck and Drive it to D.C.: (Originally: “Visit the UDairy Creamery”)
The President admits “Joe Biden’s been on my ass about getting free UDairy in the White House before his term as Vice President ends. He doesn’t understand that even the VP can’t get free UDairy without filling out a SIF form first. So if the Moo Mobile could ‘disappear’ for a couple of hours and satiate Joe that’d be really convenient.”
The additions are very new and have not yet been approved by the Alumni Ambassadors who published the original list. However, the President is confident he has enough pull to get his ideas passed. There have been no reports of anyone checking off all of the extreme activities yet. Will you Dare to Be First?