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How UD Srat Recruitment Has Ruined Everyone’s Lives

Whether you’re president of some *babies* of your own, an exhausted Pencader dining hall employee, a pissed off Geed, a horny frat boy, or a senior still suffering from the PTSD that accompanied trying to disaffiliate (you’ve asked like 900 times to be taken off the e-mail chain), your life as a Blue Hen here at UD is unfortunately greatly impacted sorority recruitment. You thought it sucked when recruitment was going on??? Guess how much it’s going to suck now that they’re all “home.” Here’s what that shit is like from the perspective of literally everyone else who didn’t rush.

Urgent Care Workers:
Not sure who’s great idea it was to slap recruitment right in the middle of flu season. Maybe they thought if we could cram all of the most nauseating, head pounding, vomit-inducing events into one time frame, it wouldn’t be so bad. Well guess what? It’s still pretty bad. Now MedFast is backed up to 3-hour wait times and the poor Geed that broke his arm trying to break a table hasn’t been seen by a doctor yet because Sally, Susie, and Sammy caught something in between singing and clapping at Clayton Hall.

RAs:
From random drunk srat girls coming on your floor to the rejects sobbing because they didn’t get a bid, being an RA during recruitment season is HARD. Until this point in time, your biggest challenges were trying to find out who keeps pouring soup down the sink and who’s empty bottle of UV Blue is in the lounge trash can. No amount of vigorous training can prepare you for UD Dooms Day— sorry, Bid Day.

Frat Boys:
We understand that recruitment really killed your “welcome back” vibes because no girls were at your porch drink, but you really should’ve cherished those times because now they’ll be pouring in at alarming rates and still turning you down because “I’m an Alpha now.” Sorry Brad, your boyish charm and mediocre looks are no longer wooing your naïve freshman hook up because the girl who rushed her rolled her eyes when she said her favorite frat was yours.

First-Semester Friends:
Sorry ladies, but if Becky from 2 doors down got in Pull Trig and you got in Siton Dis Dick, there is literally no way you two will remain friends. I know, she was your go-to Apes groupie, but guess what? She replaced you seemingly overnight and she is “SO over Apes now I mean have you seen Sig Pu?” Maybe you’ll rekindle senior year. Probably not.

Any Instagram Users:
We’re not sure if there’s a contract you have to sign saying you will post a picture documenting every phase of recruitment, or if you’re all really just that annoying. During recruitment, Instagram is flooded with the same back drop, the same outfits, and the same girls in the same poses. Does it really feel natural to hold the hand of some girl you met literally 5 minutes ago? Can we even see you in the picture of your new pledge class? Do you actually think the photographer just happened to catch you smiling and laughing? Cmon. Nothing in the Perkins basement is that funny.

Most importantly, Geeds:
Whether you chose to be a Geed or not, it’s something you really have to embrace. Geeds have it best when recruitment is happening. No bar lines, no herds of sorority girls trampling you over on your walk down Main, no Greek Life talk. But then, Bid Day happens. And suddenly the campus you just finally fell in love with again is taken over by Big/Little dates (you won’t eat Snap for a month), mixers, and even larger herds of sorority girls coming your way.

It’s not a secret, everyone hates recruitment. You can’t hide from it, it’s just a fact of living in Newark. And just when you think you’re safe, it all starts up again.

 

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