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UD STEM Majors Plan to Confront Man Who Led Them into Life of Hell

 

Following SCPAB’s announcement that Bill Nye will be speaking at the Big Bob, UD STEM majors collectively vowed to stage a sit-in protest against the man they claim convinced them to venture into an academic career of never-ending pain and suffering.

 

The award-winning scientist, TV personality and author plans to hold a moderated discussion and field questions from Blue Hens who have keen interests in astronomy, physics, and confronting their demons. We caught up with some of these victims of scientific indoctrination to gauge their feelings about Nye coming to UD.

 

“He did this to me!” exclaimed Chemical Engineering junior Anne Janier. “I loved watching “Bill Nye the Science Guy” while I was a kid, but little did I know it would lead me down a dangerous path of staring at my reflection in the mirror every day in Colburn Lab and telling myself, ‘you’re not good enough.’ I blew up a picture of my grimace into a big picket sign, which I was planning on bringing with me to the day of the event.”

 

According to the box office, tickets have reportedly sold out to students within one day of the event. SCPAB has stated that the majority of these tickets were purchased at the Trabant box office within 5 minutes by hundreds of disgruntled engineers who angrily sprinted from Sharp, Colburn, and Spencer. The deafening roar of numerous squeaking mini-desks being forcibly tucked between lecture hall seats was apparently so loud that it destroyed every window in the ISE Lab.

 

“I saw that Bill Lie — uh, I mean Bill Nye — was coming to campus in a few weeks, so my first instinct was to buy a ticket in order to give him a piece of my mind,” explained UD physics sophomore Evan Brown. “He told me science would take me great places, but the only places it’s taken me so far is the Counseling Center and my Valium dealer’s house on Benny Street.”

 

Bill Nye is set to talk about recent scientific research, among other topics, in the Bob Carpenter Center, which has been recognized for the 25th year in a row by the University of Delaware as the Least Relevant Building to Our Identity as a Research Institution. Vandals have already desecrated the entrance to the Bob with graffiti aimed to dissuade Nye from even stepping foot on the premises. Messages written by students include, “Pay for my Student Health Fee,” “Fuck off nerd,” and “When I sue you for convincing me to ruin my life, can I pay the court fees in Flex?” However, other UD students who plan on attending the show for non-protest reasons say they don’t see what all the hubbub is about.

 

“I love doing the science!” explained Art and Fashion Design double major freshman Alison Hall. “In my high school bio class, my teacher used to play videos of The Science Guy in class and they always made me laugh because he said some big words and wore a bow tie. I love nerds! By the way, did you know the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell?”

 

When reached out to for comment on the divisiveness of his scheduled appearance, Bill Nye’s publicist completely ignored our questions and instead asked for the exact locations of all the little planets spread out through campus.

 

 

 

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