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5 Ways To Stay Warm On The Way To A Party While Still Flaunting Some Genitals

Every weekend the extreme Chicago Tundra seriously threatens your respectable fashion choices. Since it’s basically essential to have some sort of genital showing to truly experience a good DePaul party, The Black Sheep‘s here to give you some advice on keeping warm, all while still rocking your sleazy silks on your walks to winter quarter parties. After all, no one wants to freeze their parts off!

5.) The Under Diaper:
Some will say that diapers are soooo twenty years ago, but that couldn’t be further from the truth! Diapers are surprisingly warm, comfortable, and effortlessly disguisable. Slide one of those on under your mini skirt or frat shorts and you’re guaranteed to have a warm rump while still extenuating your ass(ets). They also serve a dual purpose—no more waiting in long lines or being forced to use the puke-stained toilets at the fratpartments.

4.) Feather weather:
Since a big puffy winter jacket kills sex vibes, we’ve created an alternative solution that is bound to keep you warm, while still getting you laid. First, cut up that expensive Patagonia that mommy bought you. Inside, you’ll find feathers. This is where most of the warmth comes from anyways, so now, it’s all about creativity. Tape those feathers all over your parts, and there you have your sexy and warm outfit! It’s called FASHION!

3.) Surprise trench coat:
For the folks who are feeling slightly less ambitious, a classic trench coat to keep you warm on your way to the party will never go out of style. The surprise is that you can be nude underneath! Two simple pieces is all you need for this timeless look: trench coat, and of course, your birthday suit. You’re bound to turn heads, and possibly police reports!

2.) The maxi paddy baddie:
If you’re not a fan of the under diaper, this is a great alternative. Maxi pads are underrated, and can serve multiple useful purposes including keeping your bits and pieces nice and toasty while still showing off that figure! Sticky on one side, padded on the other, what more can you ask for? Just stick some of those bad boys on the designated areas, and slide your most risqué threads right over. No more nipping in those tight button-ups, boys.

1.) Tequila:
Tequila is basically the tears of Jesus Christ himself. Since DePaul is a prestigious Catholic university, it’s important to keep the values of the Christians in mind while getting trashed. With tequila, you’re set. A few shots, and you can show as much skin as you desire while maintaining a solid 98.6-degree body temp… in the name of the Lord, of course.

If any of these suggestions are out of your comfort zone, you could always just wear a coat and take it off at the party. But, let’s be honest… feathers are way more fun. Don’t freeze your nips off, kids!

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