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6 More Accurate Names for Everyone’s ~Favorite~ DePaul Buildings

Living in Chicago, shit isn’t always pretty, and that goes especially for buildings in the city. Sometimes you must make compromises for being in the city, like if the floor in your apartment isn’t a little slanted, you probably live in the suburbs. However, DePaul’s buildings on campus have their own unique characteristics that are also sometimes not pretty. Rather than slap an old white dude’s name onto it, let’s call them like they are.

6.) The SAC – “Large Brown 70’s Era Bomb Shelter That’s Always a Little Too Humid”:
Now that the weather has started becoming a little less oppressive, even stepping foot into the SAC can be a gamble. Will it be disgustingly humid like a Louisiana bayou? If the odds are not in your favor—run, before you feel the beads of sweat beginning to drip down your back.

5.) CDM – “Sweaty Gamer Lodge That Smells Like Subway”:
The CDM building in the loop is fascinating, partly because you’re assaulted by the smell of freshly made subs next door, but also because there’s really no place like CDM. No matter where you go, there will probably be another person sulking in a dark corner or against a wall, but don’t worry, CDM kids don’t talk to each other so you won’t have to engage.

4.) 14 East Jackson – “I Have Elevators But Not Really Lol”:
Surprise you’ve arrived at 14 East ten minutes early for class, you’ll definitely have time to pee and get settled before class starts, right? Wrong. Instead, you’ll be standing around with 40 other students waiting for the elevator, and eventually, you’ll be late or succumb to climbing the 13 flights of stairs. If you’re lucky, the little lady who runs the service elevator will be there, befriend her.

3.) McGowan North and South – “What”:
Most kids at DePaul have no idea what these two large buildings on their campus are. Despite likely walking past them every day, you’ve probably never stepped foot inside—unless of course, you’re a science major, in that case, sorry.

2.) The Ray Meyer Fitness and Recreation Center – “Just A Front for Quesadillas”:
One of the only places to get edible food on DePaul’s campus also happens to be the one place that shouldn’t – the gym. Between the quesadillas, smoothies, and bagel sandwiches, the Bean in The Ray has it down pat, if only it weren’t so loud and busy with all those gym-goers trying to better themselves.

1.) Arts & Letters – “I’ve Read Hemingway and Chain-smoke”:
The pretension that meets you at the door when you walk into Arts & Letters is inescapable. One of the newest campus buildings, of course, it would be home to only the most pretentious of majors. Too bad the building itself will always be surrounded by a cloud of cigarette smoke… or is it vape smoke now?

Next time DePaul goes ahead and starts to name a new building on campus, instead of picking any old dying faculty member, maybe they should open up their thesaurus and look for some descriptive adjectives.

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